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Pinkz
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First consultation fertility appointment and work

Jul 10th, 2018, 21:01 PM   #1
 
Not sure where to post sorry but just wanted some advice

Got my appointment through the post for a consultation at the fertility centre. Appointment is an hour before I finish work so will likely have to leave work early that day. Problem being my manager is an absolute $Ä£#&Ä;%( I'm actually in the process of putting in a complaint about her. She always asks personal questions so I think if I say I need to leave for an appointment she's going to want to see proof. Because she's a gossiping stirring $Ä^! I don't want her to know and obviously my letter is all about fertility this and fertility that.

Has anyone had this issue? What did you do?

At the moment I'm thinking

1 - ask for a half day (it's a really busy day at work so she COULD say no)
2 - say it's an appointment and photo copy a blacked out version of the letter so she can't see ... but will that cause more interest?
3 - ask the hospital if I can get an appointment card... Problem might be it's a specific fertility centre so I'm worried all their cards will be like "Barron Karen is coming for an appointment" type cards which are so obvious I might aswell have gone with just giving her the letter...
Which leads on to 4 - give her the letter. Let her tell people then make a formal complaint to HR and get her sacked? Lol tempting...
 
 
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Mlbaby2
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Jul 10th, 2018, 21:07 PM   #2
 
I think I would try number 1 and if she said no, do number 2. Just scribble out the details of what it’s for. Nosy cow! I’m a manager and would never ask what someone’s appt was for!

I hope the appt goes well for you though x
 
 
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Pinkz
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Jul 10th, 2018, 21:35 PM   #3
 
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Originally Posted by Mlbaby2 View Post
I think I would try number 1 and if she said no, do number 2. Just scribble out the details of what itís for. Nosy cow! Iím a manager and would never ask what someoneís appt was for!

I hope the appt goes well for you though x
She's awful. Told the whole team the ins and outs of one girls appointment. Thankfully it was nothing personal and she didn't really mind but she's got and ongoing illness so hardly an in growing toenail!

I might just call her bluff if she asks and say do i HAVE to tell you as it's personal? Sad because I know my old manager would have read it and kept it to herself. But this one... she will probably want to know the ins and outs (literally) and try to give me some internet sidebar spam advert advice of how to get pregnant quick...
 
 
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night owl
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Jul 10th, 2018, 21:41 PM   #4
 
Could you not just bypass her completely and either go to HR first or her manager first to ask
for the time off explaining you are not comfortable with her knowing as you have some issues with her, if thatís not an option and option 1 fails I think blacking out the details is a good idea, just say you donít really wanna discuss with her what itís for
 
 
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WelshGirl82
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Jul 10th, 2018, 21:44 PM   #5
 
If you are near your dentists or doctors pop in and ask the receptionist for a blank appointment card or something, tell them you don’t want your nosey manager to know what your doctors appointment is for
 
 
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katie88
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Jul 11th, 2018, 08:48 AM   #6
 
hey hun,

she sounds awful! If it was me, I'd tell her I had a hospital appointment and give her no more details. if she pushes for more details, go to your HR and her manager and tell them why you don't feel comfortable telling her, as you feel she will make it into gossip and it wont be kept private etc just because shes your manager, doesn't mean she has the right to know everything.

huge hugs x
 
 

 
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Chase
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Jul 11th, 2018, 08:57 AM   #7
 
I'd say I have a hospital appointment. If she asks for proof, explain that your appointment letter contains personal information that you are not comfortable with sharing. If she insists, offer the redacted letter, I would redact the name of the clinic etc also
 
 

 
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IVW
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Jul 11th, 2018, 11:48 AM   #8
 
Oh wow - i think your manager needs to go and have some managerial training and maybe learn to not be a nosey cow bag

She actually has no right to ask what the appointment is for. Tell her as much as you are comfortable with, but i would also bypass her and speak to your HR lead.

I wouldnt use half a days leave either, esp if you treasure your holiday leave like i do, just ensure you dont have a lunch break.
 
 
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Pinkz
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Jul 11th, 2018, 19:34 PM   #9
 
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Originally Posted by IVW View Post
Oh wow - i think your manager needs to go and have some managerial training and maybe learn to not be a nosey cow bag

She actually has no right to ask what the appointment is for. Tell her as much as you are comfortable with, but i would also bypass her and speak to your HR lead.

I wouldnt use half a days leave either, esp if you treasure your holiday leave like i do, just ensure you dont have a lunch break.
Words cannot express how awful she is... anyway I tried moving it - can't unless I want to wait WAY longer. I phoned to see if they do appointment cards- they do but it says fertility clinic.

Just going to have to ask her and see what she says.
 
 
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LucyR
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Jul 11th, 2018, 22:29 PM   #10
 
If you really didn’t want people to know I would pull a sicky. I work with all women so know how quickly gossip can get around I’m going to do this for my appointment when it finally comes through x
 
 
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WelshGirl82
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Jul 12th, 2018, 06:14 AM   #11
 
Do you have anything pre-existing that you could say it’s for? I said I had an appointment with my counsellor so they wouldn’t ask questions

As a side note it’s quite sad lots of us feel we can’t disclose these things in work, I know I feel I’d be penalised in my job because they’d be not wanting me to have maternity leave and inconvenience them
 
 
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MoominGirl
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Jul 12th, 2018, 21:32 PM   #12
 
Obviously your manager is completely unprofessional but that aside, I wouldn't ask for a half day if you think she'll be difficult. If she says no, it really limits your other options.

I don't think the blacked out letter is a bad idea. I also don't think a viral bug is a bad idea either especially if she's as bad as you say. Another thought, could you have a dental issue that they can squeeze you in at the end of the day to sort?

I'm surprised the fertility clinic don't have a more discreet appointment card. People are often very private about those things so this issue must come up a lot.
 
 

 
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IVW
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Jul 13th, 2018, 08:13 AM   #13
 
Or as LucyR said - just pull a sicky, but i know the guilt of that can be horrible
 
 
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Pinkz
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Jul 14th, 2018, 22:26 PM   #14
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoominGirl View Post
Obviously your manager is completely unprofessional but that aside, I wouldn't ask for a half day if you think she'll be difficult. If she says no, it really limits your other options.

I don't think the blacked out letter is a bad idea. I also don't think a viral bug is a bad idea either especially if she's as bad as you say. Another thought, could you have a dental issue that they can squeeze you in at the end of the day to sort?

I'm surprised the fertility clinic don't have a more discreet appointment card. People are often very private about those things so this issue must come up a lot.
The woman om the phone seemed like it had only just dawned on her to be honest. She was like sure no bother I will do you a....ohhh... I can't believe it's never come up before. It's not that I'm ashamed but she's just the type of women who would start sending me fertility diets. She tells me when she's on her period... I'm like TMI get lost! She tells everyone everything about each other and at the stage I don't want anyone to get ahead of themselves. I think most people think oh you get ivf then get pregnant. For 1 even if they said I need ivf I'm too fat to get it so it's very much step 1 for us and I don't want her to be constantly asking if I'm pregnant or knowing that I'm still not years down the line.
 
 
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