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Trying to concieve by donorhow it's done - v long

Jun 24th, 2007, 22:34 PM   #1
To answer all the questions from the chat room tonight that I couldn't type quick enough to answer...

When I met my DH 9 years ago I knew he'd had a vasectomy about 16 years previously - so the chances of a reversal were basically zero. I had to make a choice between being with him and no more LOs or losing the love of my life in the hope that one day I'd meet someone else and have children...was an easy choice at the time.
As time went on it got more difficult to accept no more babies ever. But I tried not to talk about it. Earlier this year we were lying in bed in the early hours of the morning talking about nothing v much when suddenly he said lets have another baby.. I asked how we were going to do this exactly and he said - by donor.
I was so excited (after I stopped crying ) that I made him get up and we went on the internet to see what we could find out. I didn't want clinics and all that - wanted something less formal but didn't know if it was possible. Straight away I found a site which basically puts couples in touch with potential donors. We signed up there and then.

If you use a clinic now - the law says that the donor's details must be passed onto the child when they are older enough. a lot of donors want to stay anonymous and so the number of donors in clinics has dropped dramatically. On the website we use - you contact a potential donor, get to know them and then decide whether to go ahead. All medical screening, sperm tests etc are done privately.

We had a couple of messing around donors, who didn't turn up at all or days late - and a few weirdos Finally we posted on the messageboard on the site about how disappointed we were and our current donor got in touch. he's v relaible, v down to earth, has 2 children and several donor children. He wanted to stay anonymous (we only know his frst name and mobile no) and wanted no contact with the child, other than a photo at birth and occasional photos afterwards.

When I'm ovulating, we travel to be near our donor and book a hotel room. He goes in and makes his donation (ahem ) into a cup, then leaves. My Dh and I then go in and use a plastic syringe to insert the donation - then I do everything all of you do - legs in the air, orgasm etc etc.

Everyone who knows we're TTC knows how we're doing it - there will be no secrets. Even Josh knows and understands. I didn't know my biological father till I was 18 and was raised instead by my adopted dad so i have some understanding of the issues that will arise. We have a medical family history of our donor so that the child has that info. My DH was the one who insisted everyone knew the truth - it makes no difference to him as he's raised Josh as his own.

legally our donor has the same rights to his child as any other father - which is why we chose someone who already has donation children and has no contact with them, becuase we know he understands what will happen. He doesn't get paid and does it just to help - like a woman donating eggs.

Okay..any questions And I don't mind any at all
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Jun 24th, 2007, 23:50 PM   #2
Just wanted to say, good luck, and i think your donar is amazing!! When im done having all the babies i want, i think i will donate my eggs to some one.

It just such a lovely thing to do.
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Jun 25th, 2007, 00:08 AM   #3
wow thats amazing, the very best of luck to you hun xx
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Jun 25th, 2007, 02:19 AM   #4
Hey libs... Thank you so much for sharing that story... I'd been very curious... but didn't want to sound too nosey ! I am so amazed that your DH is the one who suggested it! He must be one amazing man! You definitely made the right choice to be with someone who makes you so happy! The whole donor thing was such a mystery to me. I didn't realize that men did that without getting paid! Do you know what turned him on to the idea of donation? He seems awesome that he is willing to stay totally anonymous, but still wants pictures... he must have a very warm heart to give such an amazing gift...but isn't too unattached that he'd never want to see a picture or anything. That's a very cool thing. I'm always soooo reassured when I realize that there are still nice people out there!
Is there a limit as to how many times he will donate or will he continue until you are pregnant?
Love your story...and I hope donation works very soon!
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Jun 25th, 2007, 08:44 AM   #5
Wow good luck That's fascinating!

Just few quick questions, is he prepared to keep contributing for as long as it takes for you to get pregnant? Also will you actually meet him before he does his thing in the hotel room and has he provided a medical history for you to keep?

Fingers crossed for you
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Jun 25th, 2007, 08:48 AM   #6
Good luck you really deserve a baby libs
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Jun 25th, 2007, 08:59 AM   #7
What A Fascinating Story!

I Had No Idea You Was Going Through This!

I Really Hope You Get Your BFP Soon, You Deserve It
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Jun 25th, 2007, 09:23 AM   #8
Wow thats amazing, good luck 2 u and ur oh i really hope u get ur bfp soon

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Jun 25th, 2007, 10:18 AM   #9
I thinks it's lovely that your donor does all that without payment. He must be a lovely person to want to go to such lengths to help complete strangers.

Your DH sounds great suggesting using a donor in a first place. I know my OH would never agree to that in a million years.

I hope it pays off soon and you get your BFP
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Jun 25th, 2007, 11:34 AM   #10
Thanks for sharing this with us libs,

I really do hope that you get your BFP real soon as you deserve it

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Jun 25th, 2007, 11:49 AM   #11
I second everyone elses wishes - many thanks for sharing that with us.
It is very interesting to hear a different side to TTC and puts me to shame complaining about it, when I don't have to go through that to get to my semen supply (although TBH I wish I didn't see quite so much of the stuff!... send me your address libs and I'll ship a load of the blumming stuff to you. I swear my hubby's right arm is twice the size of his left )

It's a pleasure to share this journey with you Libs
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Jun 25th, 2007, 12:04 PM   #12
Wow libs, i knew you were trying to concieve by donar, but had no idea the lengths you were actually going through to get the stuff.
Your husband sounds like a amazing man to be able to do thsat for you, and your son for being so understanding.
I hope you get the baby you want soon, you all so deserve it!
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Jun 25th, 2007, 12:37 PM   #13
libs.. thats an amazing story... i didnt know donors could still be be found privatley.

It sounds like you have one amazing OH there and i wish you both the BFP you deserve
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Jun 25th, 2007, 12:59 PM   #14
I'm really glad you posted that hun. I was soooo curious but didn't want to ask incase you thought I was being a nosey cow LOL.
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Jun 25th, 2007, 19:44 PM   #15
Thanks everyone

Yes he'll keep going as long as we want - although after a while a lot of people change donors if it isn't working as you can of course get unexplained fertility as much with this as any other way of trying - so sometimes a change is good

We met our donor before starting and yes we always see him to say hi and goodbye and thanks to.
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concieve, donorhow, long

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