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PF Savvy
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Milton keynes
Posts: 459

using kids as a weapon-

Mar 20th, 2018, 13:34 PM   #1
My ex partner and I have been apart for almost 3 years.
I thought things were slowly getting better? I've literally handed him life on a plate to try and minimalise the drama but nothing works..

When we originally split I offered him to see the kids but he said he didn't have anywhere to take them so I said he could have my house twice a week to see the kids (said I''d stay at my mums so he didn't have to see me)
He refused and threw himself a pity party saying he needed the benefits or his life would fall apart... his mum pretended to be my best friend so I agreed to hand over benefits to him and support myself because I wanted my children to have an equal relationship with us both..how WRONG was I?! It gave him rights I had no idea aobut PURELY because he's the one getting handouts from the council and I'm working my arse off!

Since then he refused contact whenever I did something he didn't like!
I had to take up dancing in a gentleman's club to make up the shortfall and that got me pegged as an abusive slut who didn't deserve her kids!

I've always tried to remain neutral and not to kick up a fuss but it's impacting my kids now and I don't know what else to do...
We now between us do shared care as have so far managed to avoid the court.
This was all settling until my partner and I announced my pregnancy and he's back to being petty and ridiculous! He has a serious girlfriend who the kids love which is great! so why is he still hounding me?
My son has been signed up for football practice on sunday mornings (the day I pick them up)
so he has suddenly started deciding to bring them a little later so he misses it I'm gutted for my poor boy as we'd just bought him a little kit and boots and he's so so upset..

My daughter is interested in Karate and I have tried to sign her up for a class...he's done everything he can to stop this happening and tried to tell her he can take her to ballet instead (She's not a ballet kind of girl!) and also upsetting her because she's so desperate to go..

I just need ANY advice as technically in the eyes of the law he is not doing a thing wrong and he knows it, but I can't bear to see my babies suffer, it's stirring emotions in me that I never even knew existed!

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PF Addict
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 4,239

Mar 26th, 2018, 12:05 PM   #2
He's being abusive to your children, so it's not surprising that you are upset too.

I've been through the courts and it's not fun, and can be very expensive if you use any legal team.

Try looking up Rights of Women - they can give you free advice over the phone. http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/
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PF Savvy
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Milton keynes
Posts: 459

Mar 28th, 2018, 21:14 PM   #3
thank you very much,

At this point I feel like I've got nothing left in me to fight him...everyone just says 'why let him get away with it all' but what choice do I have? If I stand up for myself it feeds the fire and if I don't he thinks he's got full control over me still.

I feel like I let my kids down for so readily handing the finances over to him I feel terrible that I chose such an abusive man as their father, all I want to do is love my babies and for them to love us both but it will never happen
He's now on about moving to swindon to be with his new partner which is 2.5 hours away so I'm currently trying to scrape money just in case I need to go to court.. I've been in touch with a solicitor who thinks it would be difficult for him as they're so settled but not impossible, terrified isn't the word.

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kids, weapon

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