hey all,

this is my first time back to the forum since my little one was about 6 months old (he's now 2 and 2 months).

I've been a single mum for months now and I'm starting to struggle. The tantrums are coming thick and fast, he won't eat at meal times (even the food i know he likes), he whinges when he doesn't get his own way or whenever I ask him to hold my hand when we have to walk to and from the car. He refuses to make eye contact with me when i speak to him.

I know that its all normal, but none of my friends (most of whom don't have kids) or my ex seem willing to just listen to how i feel without feeling the need to give me some long speech about how he'll respect me in the end if i discipline him now.

I do feel horrible when i have to sit him on the naughty box, or attempt controlled crying with him, coz there are times when he is the most affectionate and wonderful child in the world.

Lord, i feel like such a bad mum sometimes because it feels like i am the bad guy, and then daddy appears every other fortnight and they have such a lovely time, and he is such a good boy for my ex.

Why does he only play up for me? Somebody pls tell me i can do this, as it's starting to feel like i can't...

 

I think they do it because they trust you so much and they are trying to learn at the same time; they feel totally at ease with you and also frustrated at not being able to express how they feel completely? I hope this doesnt sound like a load of tosh! - it must be really hard for you, I sympathise; Rosie is just starting to have tantrums and throwing things, banging her head on the floor when she can't have what she wants and I find it difficult with a husband supporting me! Trust in the knowledge that you are doing absolutely the best for your little one and eventually you will see the good that you are doing right now. Hold close the good moments and try to see the discipline as a training tool! I hope I havent sounded like a d*ck?!
Good luck

 

its just a phase they all go thru at some point hun. i've only been split up from katie's daddy for about 3 months (omg that sounds ages actually!) and i can see already how she plays up for me and not for him. she'll scream and scream for me all day, but she's good as gold for daddy and a proper daddy's girl. i think its got something to do with mummy being the one that has to discipline them and do all the every day stuff, but when they see daddy, they dont get told off, they do different things and its all really exciting to them. i just live safe in the knowledge that one day, they'll grow up and they'll realise that daddy might be good fun once in a while, but he's not much use apart from that if that makes any sense what so ever, i'm going on a bit!

i think the food things just about learning and testing their limits, seeing what they can get away with and things like that.

 

They just love pushing the boundaries. My lo's can play up on me something rotten and be angels for Daddy But I do agree with the naughty step at this age.

 

thanks guys... typically, since I wrote this, he's turned it around and is (almost) behaving like a little angel!

I'm taking the approach that if I stress, he'll pick up on it, so I'm just gonna stay calm, and enjoy being a mum. If I'm gonna be a single mum, i want to make the most of being the one who gets to help him grow into a confident, happy little man!!

 

My lip one is 6 and foes this to me too, me and his dad split when he was 2. I keep getting from other ppl that it must b hard For him cos he's with his mum and partner all week then to his dad and partner at weekend and it is difficult cos ges a horror to me but good as gold to his dad, and like the others have said he's basically playing us. I feel bad cos I'm always the Baddy and hope that one day he will know the reasons why I'm not with his dad.
All u can do Hun is do ur best, I know I am and my son does say ge loves me and wants to stay with me all the time etc, but I dunno what he's saying to his dad, like I said playing eachother.
Hope u feel better, if u need a chat pop me a pm Hun , we are doing what we think is best for our kids at end of the day xx