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rosiemontana
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Join Date: Sep 2018
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Unhappy

He has lost interest in me, should I leave him even though I'm pregnant?

Sep 11th, 2018, 23:29 PM   #1
 
My partner and I have't had the best relationship. When we first started dating a year ago things were great, he was very interested in me and seeing him happy to be with me and do things with me made me very happy and I fell for him pretty early on despite our many differences, like our age gap (me 24 him 39)... He also has a steady but very demanding job, he works ALOT like 7 days a week approximately 10+ hours a day, and I have a few part time jobs.
We started to have some tension because before we got together I had a long term trip abroad planned, I never intended on getting in a serious relationship but it happened and I felt that we had a strong connection and that a little time away wouldn't be that big of a deal even if we had only been together for about 3 months at the time. He seemed okay with it, things changed when I got there, it didn't seem like he trusted me and often he became very hot and cold, somedays we would video chat for hours and things were fine and then other days he would be distant. Even though he would never admit it (in fact he denies it to this day) he pressured me often to come back or make solid plans of coming home. During my stay I also lost my grandmother, this event changed me completely and I'm still not healed from this. A combination of this loss and my relationship issues I began having troubles with the people I was staying with abroad and I ended up coming home earlier.
When I got back things seemed great again, but there was always a feeling of something being different that I guess I ignored. Fast forward 6 moths, we moved into an apartment together and OH during this time I also got pregnant unexpectedly! At first I was very nervous about it and I wasn't very sure I should go through with something like this so soon in our relationship, however he expressed he was happy and we went over logistics together, he made me feel very supported and it was almost like he had positive answers to all my concerns.
I'm now almost 14 weeks pregnant and the past few weeks have been very rocky for us. For starters, I've had very severe morning sickness (more like all day sickness) and it has left me feeling very drained very disgusting and very emotional. I've also noticed that my partner has become less interested in me and our pregnancy. When I've brought up my concerns for his distance he has became very angry saying he's tired and that I only think about myself because I can't give him a break, I get emotional, and he get's even more upset saying I cry too often and that it's unattractive. It is true that he is tired a lot since he is works so much, but if I was to hold in my concerns I'd wait forever because he rarely gets a break. He's repeated a lot of things about me saying I'm needy, I'm too emotional or dramatic, I'm selfish, I'm too much etc. Another issue we are having is our sex life, he never want's to have sex with me anymore I practically have to "force him" as he calls it, which is literally just me being flirtatious and more sexual toward him. When this started he was more joking about it saying things like "but you're already pregnant" or he laughs and says I'm being very "gropey". After a several of these "forced" intimate times he began to be more adverse to the point he'd get mad and leave the room or get defensive if I even scooted near him. I confronted him a few times and he denies having done anything wrong saying he's "very nice to me". Finally after many nights of me breaking down telling him how insecure and unwanted he's made me feel and him getting annoyed and angry by me, I finally managed to get some insight on where his head is at. He told me that things changed after I left him for my trip abroad, and that things will never be the same as they were before that. For me it is hard to understand that because if anything I felt we learned to communicate differently and grew a bit while I was away. I think a combination of this truth of his adversity to my need to feel wanted again has made him lose interest in me completely. When we've had sex recently, he doesn't seem as into it, and he lies about having finished. He makes comments of me getting a little bigger which he says are just jokes, and I've told him several times that that and his distance hurts my feelings.
Right now I'm feeling so low everyday, I've lost confidence, I have this fear that he will never see me as a young attractive girl ever again, I have paranoia that he has or will cheat on me, some moments I just feel like there's no hope and that if I want this baby (and of course I do) I'm either going to have to do it alone in a broken relationship but financially stable, or alone struggling financially but free of the emotional trauma I put myself in everyday mourning the way he used to be with me.
I know that there are people in way more serious predicaments in their pregnancies, but I'm really struggling here. I may be too young to take this on, ending this pregnancy is out of the question for me A. because I could never go through with that and B. because everyone in our families knows now and are very excited. However, our relationship issues are making me feel so defeated at times that I am scared I won't be strong enough to be a good mother.
I can't really afford financially to leave my relationship, he is the majority supporter, and losing that support would be bad for our future child, but I'm getting to a point where I feel like the cost of staying is even greater, the emotional toll will cause harm and issues in our child's life.
That was probably too much... and there's a lot I've left out, but I'm just lost, I don't know what to do. I don't feel confident that our relationship can be repaired but I also don't feel confident that I can move on and have a healthy life with our future child. Am I doing something wrong? Is there something I should do differently? Should I just grin and bear it for the sake of the baby? or should I leave him?
 
 
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Akua
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Join Date: Mar 2018
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Sep 12th, 2018, 07:01 AM   #2
 
To be honest, I’d leave. Sounds like he’s gaslighting you, when you go to him with legitimate concerns and he blames it all on you. Could you perhaps go stay with your family for a few days whilst you clear your head?
 
 

 
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p1ngu
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 261


Sep 12th, 2018, 08:27 AM   #3
 
I think you should leave. Being in a toxic relationship will not benefit the baby. Things get tougher with a small baby and lack of sleep so if he is not listening to your concerns now, then I doubt he will once things get tougher. I know it sounds like a scary thing foe you to leave but once you het used to it you will feel so much stronger! x

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