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PF Newbie
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 1


Not sure what to do....

Jan 29th, 2018, 10:42 AM   #1
Hi everyone I am hoping you can help me..My wife and I have been married for around 6 months, our relationship is going good.

We have sex around 3-4 times a week and both of us have agreed that we don't want kids yet, we feel we are too young and have a lot of other things we want to do that we possibly won't be able to if we have kids now.

My wife refuses to use any form on contraception as she feels it'll mess up her chances to conceive in the future and she is also quite religious. We have been using condoms and so far we have used around 60+ (Durex Branded Extra Safe / Pleasure me) , out of the 60 we have used we have had only two issues.

The first a few weeks ago when I was taking the condom off me after sex.
I am usually very careful in checking that the condom has no tears or rips so I normally do the following;

1) I clean the condom with a tissue from the outside to remove any fluid that is on it from her
2) I then tie the condom
3) I then squeeze the condom as hard as I can into tissue paper to see if there are any leaks.
4) I repeat step 3, a few times then bin the condom.

A few weeks ago I tied the condom too tight and it ripped at the top so I tested just the bottom half which was all okay!

The second issue occurred a few days ago, my wife was on top of me and after I ejaculated for some reason I didn't hold the condom, so as she got off me it slipped off! I couldn't believe it, when I ejaculate its always a lot so I was a bit upset this happened.

After talking a lot to my wife she agreed to take the morning after pill, (Not sure if she needed to but I thought it was the best thing to do), so she took the pill and said this is the first and last time she'll ever take it.

Now I am a bit worried to have sex again just using condoms, my wife will not use any pills or any other form of contraceptive. The only other thing I think we could use is that App with a thermometer that tracks your periods...but she is even saying she doesn't want to use that...

Apart from the method I use to check the condoms the only other thing I could possibly do is remove my penis as soon as I ejaculate to reduce the chances even more...

I am the sort of person who is a worrier so sometimes I feel I do go over the top like I read on this forum how hard it is for people to get pregnant, where as in my head I think if I have sex with my wife and the condom breaks once she'll get pregnant 100% the first time........ If I say to my wife I won't have sex with you until you use another form of contraception I know she just won't have sex with me....

Please can you advise what shall I do? Are there any things I can do to make sex safer?

Really appreciate you reading this and look forward to reading your comments!
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PF Addict
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: East Midlands
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Jan 29th, 2018, 14:53 PM   #2
All I can think of is applying spermicide as well from your perspective - unfortunately the only fool proof method is the word "no". Its difficult but I do understand your wife's reluctance. Perhaps she could consider a copper coil though, they don't interfere with hormones, but it might be against her religious beliefs.

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PF Savvy
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: london
Posts: 104

Feb 26th, 2018, 10:06 AM   #3
Originally Posted by PukkaDude View Post

The only other thing I think we could use is that App with a thermometer that tracks your periods...but she is even saying she doesn't want to use that...

I hate to tell you this but it sounds to me like your wife wants a baby.

She is being very unreasonable and irresponsible. You are both in this together and need to have a really honest conversation about it. If you have both agreed now is not the right time then she has to respect that. There are no religious or moral reasons to refuse to chart her fertility so you both know what days to avoid, sounds like she doesn't want to do it because she would be happy with an accident.

Have a look at ovusense or something similar, once she tracks her temps for a few months you should be able to predict her fertile days and avoid having penetrative sex on those days. (they say most women ovulate 14 days after the first day of their period, so if you want to be really careful just don't have penetrative sex in the 10 days after her period stops) Book a family planning appointment and talk to someone about your options, both of you need to be responsible.

You can always pull out of her before you ejaculate while keeping the condom on, and honestly if I where you i'd be making sure I put the condoms in an an outside bin!

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