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LaurenMM
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Are we growing apart?

Jan 29th, 2012, 17:09 PM   #1
 
I dont know whats wrong with me and OH lately, we just seem to have hit a rut

He has been getting on my nerves a bit lately. He works and he brings home the bacon as such but looking after a baby during the day is a full time job too and I still do all the housework everyday. I dont mind this but I feel he doesnt help at all. Like leaving clothes everywhere, not putting things away etc I know he is not bad compared to some blokes but he knows what I'm like and knows what bugs me but he still does them. Like when he puts Angels washing away her socks get stuck to the velcro on the bibs and he doesnt take them so I can never find any socks for her because theyre all stuck to the bibs. He doesnt hang her clothes he just dumps them in the wardrobe - just things like that, things that would take 2 seconds to fix!

Lately when he sits down to feed Angel as well, instead of getting a bib for her he asks me to go and get it and when he's done with it he just chucks it on the floor! If hes changing her he'll just leave the nappy on the floor rather than in the bag! When he comes in from work I like him to spend time with Angel but instead of playing with her he just seems to put her on his lap and play on his iPhone or laptop rather than spend time with her.

The way our house is heated is really weird over here and as a a result we get condensation and mould on the ceilings. I try to clean this every day and I do everything I can to prevent it and it still happens but I only read yesterday that was a big health hazard - honestly I never knew this and he just doesnt seem bothered! So I went round cleaning everything bleach this afternoon while he was downstairs. Fair enough I didnt ask him to help but I told him what I was gonna do and he didnt help or anything. It seems like I do all the 'manly' jobs around the house apart from everything else!!

I dont know if its just because our lives have changed so much since having Angel but we just seem to be growing apart. We dont really speak anymore properly and as far as sex goes - forget it! My libido has completely disappeared! Its really upset me because we used to be one of really happy cute couples and we just cant seem to agree on anything anymore xx
 
 
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Clairabella
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Jan 29th, 2012, 17:15 PM   #2
 
I really think men are from different planets! Could you drop few hints to your OH about him not hanging the clothes up etc? I don't think men see things the same way as we do.

Hope you are ok xxxx
 
 
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Jayjay027
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Jan 29th, 2012, 20:19 PM   #3
 
Maybe u should sit him down and tell him exactly how u feel. Talking it out is very under-rated and he probably doesn't even realize what he's doing. Men are a bit 'dippy' when it comes to things like that. Xx

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Hunnie
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Jan 29th, 2012, 21:02 PM   #4
 
Definitely talk to him. When me and the OH are struggling its generally because we aren't communicating properly xx
 
 

 
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BabysMomma
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Jan 29th, 2012, 21:12 PM   #5
 
Defo talk to him huni. It's a huge strain on anyones relationship when a new baby arrives and the little things that maybe didn't seem as bad before drive you insane!

I know what you mean about damp and mould. I'm moving next month cos the house I'm in has it and it IS a serious health risk! Google what the damp spores can do to a young baby and that should give him a kick up the arse about it. And huni, make sure you wear a protective mask when you're cleaning that stuff off...it can be dangerous to anyone who inhales it.

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Princess81
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Jan 29th, 2012, 21:20 PM   #6
 
My o/h is pretty much the same - I think some men just don't get it can u try talking to him about it?? X
 
 

 
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littlemiss83
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Jan 31st, 2012, 00:44 AM   #7
 


It does sound like he's actually trying...at least he's doing a bit of the washing ect. & I think guys dont know how to play with babies, hence why he just sits her on his knee.

Seriously, i'd get the mould seen to ASAP, its very very bad for babies, i'd even see about moving out temporarily til its sorted. We had a mouldy patch in our last house in the bathroom, not big, only about a foot in length, the guy was fixing something else in bathroom & said we'd need to move out til its fixed coz we had baby, I was like wtf its not that bad, but yes, it is!

 
 

 
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BabysMomma
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Jan 31st, 2012, 23:00 PM   #8
 
little miss is right hun, ya need to get the damp seen to ASAP. We're actually living AND sleeping in the living room at the moment cos of the mould and damp spores upstairs and cos I didn't want my LO sleeping/breathing around it.

Hope you can get things sorted. x
 
 

 
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LaurenMM
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Feb 1st, 2012, 19:41 PM   #9
 
Well after reading more about how bad it is OH did get onto housing straight away (we live on army base) and told them about it and they said they'd send someone to look at it in the next 5 days and he demanded someone come today and suprise surprise they never turned up the wankers! So me and Angel are going home over the weekend and he'll sleep in the living room (literally nothing wrong in there) while it gets sorted.

To be honest I could do with the space at the moment feel like I'm a single parent at the moment and he gets to come home and bath and feed and put Angel to bed while I do everything else. Like he'll go in the bathroom and not prepare anything for her bath ie shampoo, her towel, her pjs, clean nappy, just leaves me to run around get it all. Then he leaves her dirty clothes, dirty nappy and towel on the floor rather than putting them in washing basket. And we had some presents delivered from my friend today and he opened them all and just left all the wrapping and bits all over the living room floor. Honestly I'm so knackered at the moment. Angel doesnt really nap much during the day so when she does I'm literally legging it around the house rushing to get things done and as a result I knocked over a feed I'd just made for her and ended up with boiling water all over my hands. I know what you mean about men sometimes not knowing how to play with babies littlemiss but I dont think thats an excuse for him because he does play with her occasionally and she loves it. I have sort of spoken to him about before and he promises to help and he does for a little while but he doesnt do things properly, like half a job!! Feel so ill tonight as well, think I'm coming down with flu or something just wanna go and sleep for hours x
 
 
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BevG
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Feb 4th, 2012, 13:49 PM   #10
 
if the mould is caused by condensation then you should get a dehumidifier. they work wonders for taking the water out the air and that would stop the mould if the moisture was causing it.
 
 

 
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jld123
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Feb 8th, 2012, 12:26 PM   #11
 
really feel for you! this is exactly what happend with me and my partner, and the hardest part was that i know i used to be crazily in love with him and we were so happy. unfortunately i think this is what having a baby does to you. you need to ask yourself if you are still in love with him? this was the problem with us, i found that i wasnt - so everything he did wound me up, i never wanted to sleep with him and we constantly argued. I hope for your sake that you are still in love with him, but saying it doesnt make it true. We split up a month ago and after the initial 3 days of crying and wanting him back, things are actually really great now. I live in our place along with our baby, she goes to stay with him at his parents every other night and he and i are getting onbetter than ever. We may get back together in the future, but not now. I hope you can sort things out xxxx
 
 
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prettypenguin
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Feb 10th, 2012, 23:49 PM   #12
 
Omg, i think you are actually going out with my oh! Sounds just like him.. we have mouod probs too, pva glue mixed with water abd paint over the bits where you get mould.....we have a dehumidifier only seems to work if the heating hasnt been on though. I feel like a single mum, oh just causes more mess and gets me annoyed when he makes minimal effort, only wants to play dad when charlies happy and being quiet and doesnt need anything. And if his mates round, like now, forget it! Had him screaming upstairs for 3 hours n hardly a peep from oh, went down and theyre on fifa! Could have smashed that tv up there n then. Makes me hate weekends cause he sees them as his days off and he gets to chill out, even if on the offchance he does help out he cant cope for more than 10 mins! Eeek sorry ill stop ranting x
 
 

 
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LaurenMM
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Feb 11th, 2012, 20:21 PM   #13
 
Thanks for your support girls. Well the mould problem has been sorted out properly now , maintenance came and put two coats of this stuff which kills it and re-painted the walls and they said it shouldn't come back anytime soon

As for me and OH things are looking up too I basically just told him what I said on here and he felt really bad and since then he's been a lot better I am kind of to blame too because at night when we put Angel to bed we go downstairs and he's either on xbox or whatever and I'm on the phone or on laptop so it's a bit of both of us. And the sex thing put a real strain on us, I know it sound weird but even thought I'm on the pill and have been for over a month I was really scared of getting pregnant, dont ask why lol just after over a year of not worrying about contraception and seeing how quickly I got pregnant with Angel; I felt scared. Anyway, we overcame that little problem last night and it was lovely. We were cuddled up again in the morning and kissing and chatting and flirting just like we used to I do definitely still love him, he's also my best friend and I couldnt imagine my life without him I guess we both just 'forgot' about each other and obviously still getting used to our new life. I think because we dont really get time during the day to do our own stuff we fell into a habit of doing it when Angel is in bed rather than spending that time together. So everything seems good now xxx
 
 
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littlemiss83
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Feb 11th, 2012, 22:37 PM   #14
 
I was terrified of falling pg again after my first, was on pill & using condoms & still worried myself to the point of being physically sick, got over it after a few months.

Glad to hear its all working out.

 
 

 
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Jayjay027
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Feb 11th, 2012, 23:18 PM   #15
 
Aw so glad to hear everything is getting better xx

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