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Anderson
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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I'm at a loss...

Jan 27th, 2012, 01:31 AM   #1
 
Well my situation was fine for a while...But the father of the child(Mike) has not spoken to me, has ignored my calls and neglected to return them, along with avoiding coming over to see me in person when I'm up in the town he lives in at a mutual friends house on the weekends. This has gone on for almost 2 weeks now...I haven't told anyone in my family that I'm pregnant(other than my mom and she didn't find out til a few days ago). Considering I'm not married, not in a long term relationship and now Mike isn't even speaking to me, I'm scared to tell the rest of my family the news. Because honestly, to them, it's not probably going to be great news to get excited about. My brother and his wife are pregnant with their second kid, and everyone is excited, because he is married and settled down. I'm the youngest child out of 3, pregnant, going to college(straight A's last term) and as of right now looking to be a single parent since Mike is nowhere to be seen...My dad and I have finally gotten to the point where we can start rebuilding our father/daughter relationship(as of last year) after how shitty he treated me from a child onward and we are doing really well now...He is proud of my grade accomplishments since I'm the first in the family that is planning to finish college and who has done that well in school. I have no clue how to tell him I'm pregnant and that Mike isn't going to probably be around to support me...My brother won't exactly be easy to tell either since he is my big bro, he gets protective, but also acts like a dad sometimes and shows disappointment. I can already hear them saying how irresponsible I am and how dissapointed they are in my poor judgement. My mom tried to tell me it will be better once the news is out, but I'm not totally sure, and I gave her an example of her reaction, worried...not excited. And her reaction is mild compared to what my dad's will be I'm sure...mainly because my mom and I are very close. He hasn't exactly made it comfortable to tell him either since he has mentioned many a time that I'm not allowed to have babies yet, or how proud he is that unlike my friends getting knocked up in their teens..I have mangaged not to. I know I'm 23 years old, but I don't like the thought of not only having the father of my child not being there to support me, but part of my family as well...But I suppose they will have to find out at some point. I don't want to write Mike totally off yet, but from the looks of things...I have to assume the worse and maybe be pleasantly surprised if he happens to pull his head out of his ass...for someone who is 31 years old with 2 kids already, he sure as hell doesn't act like it! I'm sorry I threw this rant out there, I'm just at a loss right now...and quite frankly, I'm sick of crying/being frustrated/confused about it. <----That about sums up how I feel.
 
 
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Anderson
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Jan 27th, 2012, 06:30 AM   #2
 
Alright I have done some thinking on this and decided that with Mike I'm just going to let him do whatever it is he feels he needs to do, and when he is ready to talk I am there to talk. Not one phone call or text(although I have only done 1 of those each) and make our friends quit telling him I'm trying to get a hold of him(which they have done on their own, not because I asked them to), hopefully in his own time he will come around. I have been the opposite of nagging and smothering, so I'm not sure what his problem is out of the blue, but I'm just going to leave him out of everything until he gets his shit together. (Excuse the language!)

Decided that when it comes to my dad if he can't accept this than that's his problem and not mine. I'm sure after a while he will come around to it considering it IS another grandchild to love. It won't make it any easier to tell the fam(I swear it wouldn't matter how old I am I would always be nervous about delivering the "I'm pregnant" news) but maybe it will be like ripping off a bandaid, once I do it and get it over with I will probably feel much better either way.

Anyway, end rant and self therapy for the evening. I hate that I'm emotional on top of it all, makes every issue THAT much more hurtful and frustrating lol. For those that read all this craziness, thanks for taking the time
 
 
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Jaxx01
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Jan 27th, 2012, 06:53 AM   #3
 
Hey hun, so sorry you're going through this! Sometimes the men in out lives get a little overwhelmed when a pregnancy is announced! Sometimes the thought of change really does frea them out!! Stanleys father left me when I was 6wks pregnant! I'm sure your family will come round to the idea and kove your child and support you as much as the others!!

I really hope things pick up for you, but you are in the right place for support, the ladies here are truly great women!! Xxx
 
 

 
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BabysMomma
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Jan 27th, 2012, 18:03 PM   #4
 
Hey hun, sorry you're having to go through this. You may find that once the news sinks in with your family that they'll be nothing but supportive.

As for Mike, it sounds like you have your head screwed on there and you can only do what your aiming to do at the moment which is let him do his thing and be ready to talk when he is. It'll be his loss if he never pulls his head from his ass.

And you are seriously a great mature 23yr old and your LO will be lucky to have you as their mom.

Hope things work out how you want them to hun, but we're all here to talk/rant to when you need it. x
 
 

 
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Jayjay027
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Jan 27th, 2012, 18:28 PM   #5
 
Your absolutely right not to chase him hun. He knows where u r and how to reach u, so if he decides to grow up and grow a pair, he'll contact u.
By the sounds of it, you've tried ur ass off to get him involved but u can only do so much.

As the other ladies have said, u seem to have a good head on ur shoulders and it seems ur doing well in ur life, so just be the best mum u can be, and if Mike wants to be part of it - he knows how to contact u.

As for ur family, they may be shocked to start with, but that never lasts long. Once baby arrives they'll all fall in love with it. X

Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk
 
 

 
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Anderson
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Jan 27th, 2012, 18:37 PM   #6
 
Thank you so much ladies! I hate feeling this way, and I try to stay positive, but sometimes things catch up to me and I have to cry and think it out. It hurts to have the father not be there for support, and I'm sorry you went through that too Jaxx. Thankfully women are strong creatures and can handle A LOT before they finally crack!! I really hope everything will fall into place at some point, but if things don't, as hurtful as it will be, I'm strong enough to handle it. Thanks for the support lovelies! It means a lot to me, especially right now..
 
 
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Daisy2011
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Jan 27th, 2012, 19:26 PM   #7
 
Hi Anderson
It sounds like you are a smart and strong lady and it is completley normal to be worrying about the future and how people are going to react. But I bet you will make a great mother becuase you are already thinking and planning ahead and are strong enough to be prepared for possibly negative reaction and face them anyway.
I hope that your partner and father and brother will come round very quickly and ultiamtely be delighted to welcome this new life into your family.

You can do it and its nothing to be ashamed of. You are young and there is no reason not to be able to return to studies and work once baby is going to school.
Good luck
xx Daisy
 
 

 
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Anderson
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Jan 27th, 2012, 20:31 PM   #8
 
Thanks Daisy just a few years ago I never even saw myself having kids! I always said Id probably end up with someone who already had them lol. So it will be a shock to a lot of people when they find out. But a lot of my friends started having kids when they were younger, and now virtually all my friends are either pregnant, trying to get pregnant or are already on their 2nd or 3rd kid. So I became the "Aunt" to all their kids, and got used to having them around me and helping take care of them. And of course my brother has a daughter with a baby on the way

I've never been one to be scared usually or back down, but I have to admit I don't know a good way to tell them. I thought if I did it in a lighthearted way, then they might take it better, but my mom said the idea I had would probably be offensive because it wasn't face to face. It was a cute idea though Thanks again for the support! I'll let you know if Mr. 31 going on 9 along with the fam comes around..And it means a lot to be told I would be a good mom, it's nice to get that reassurance from others that you are capable of doing something Xx
 
 
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Anderson
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Jan 28th, 2012, 05:30 AM   #9
 
Update: Mike called me tonight and talked as if nothing was wrong...said he thought he would call since he hadn't heard from me in a while...uhh...ya think! LOL! **Eye Roll** Apparently he doesn't realize that no communication for 2 weeks doesn't leave the woman with a good feeling...Hopefully he will make it up here tomorrow after his sons basketball game. UGH men sometimes I swear....they don't think! But I'm relieved nonetheless.
 
 
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BabysMomma
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Jan 28th, 2012, 22:17 PM   #10
 
Men just don't have a clue eh

Hope he's able to get up to see you and sort things out. Let us know how ya get on hun. Bestest of luck x
 
 

 
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Anderson
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Jan 29th, 2012, 04:58 AM   #11
 
No...they really don't! I will Thank you!
 
 
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AyeshaD
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Feb 14th, 2012, 14:04 PM   #12
 
try to not call and text him, so act like him complete ignore him and you'll see hes at your door bell. second, to tell your family the news.. although if they dont like is just nice to hear from you rather than somewhere else luv.. dont worry too much this is minor will get sorted in no time.
 
 

 
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