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-   -   shared care, please any advice would be helpful (http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/single-parents/509311-shared-care-please-any-advice-would-helpful.html)

Jamie.d Jan 6th, 2018 11:20 AM

shared care, please any advice would be helpful
 
So me and my ex partner share the care of our children 50/50 which is quite difficult because for half of the week I don't see them at all and have to BEG to face time them most days :(

I went back to work and agreed he could have the benefits as he didn't enjoy working and was depressed :fib:

what I didn't know what that this gave him rights as the primary carer!! how stupid I feel now...

Anyway, my son (only 3yo!) is seriously ill...When I had them last week I had to take him to the urgent care centre as his breathing was erratic and he had a temp of almost 40!
the next day dear daddy comes to collect them and all of a sudden 'he's fine'
I knew this wasn't the case and my suspicions were confirmed when I get a text saying

'he's puked outside preschool and he's coughing so hard his nose is bleeding'
But wouldn't let me speak to them or take him to the doctor!

He told me this morning that is happened again last night and this child has NEVER had a nosebleed! I'm absolutely terrified because he won't take him to the doctor but as it isn't my day I can't just burst into their house and take them... I face timed them this morning and he looks awful and even like hes dropped a little weight... I'm going out of my mind with worry

millielaura Jan 6th, 2018 13:25 PM

I would burst into the house and take him. I'm sure that is within your rights in there is a medical issue that needs addressing and his dad isn't taking him to the doctors! Sounds a horrible situation :( xx

Jamie.d Jan 6th, 2018 18:55 PM

I called 111 in the end because I was so worried... she said unless he agreed then there was no way.. I'm hoping he manages tonight and then I pick him up first thing tomorrow.. if he's not well then I'm keeping him until he's better �� Ugh this is so hard sometimes!
I just cannot believe he was taking the poor child to preschool in this state!
And last week when I took him back I was greeted by his grandparents who informed me (by text after they'd taken them) he was staying out that night instead of looking after his son who had spent the night before in hospital! I'd have kept him with me if I'd known thatGrrr I needed to rant sorry!!! Xx

millielaura Jan 7th, 2018 15:55 PM

I hope all is okay today xx

Jamie.d Jan 8th, 2018 17:28 PM

Thank you x he's so much better I'm getting booked into doctors for him tomorrow as I think his asthma is making it all worse... and to top it off his dad just drops on me that he's moving him and the kids 2 hours away!!! How can he even do that?!!

millielaura Jan 8th, 2018 20:19 PM

Wow what I didn't think he would be able to do that since you are meant to have him 50/50??! xx

Jamie.d Jan 8th, 2018 20:38 PM

There is no court order and I've shot myself in the foot by saying he can claim benefits as I already had a private rental and didn't need them..(he was in a shared house and I stupidly felt bad for him!)
He is now seen as the primary caree because they are financially dependent on him and not me, I can only get a court order if I pay and because I claim no benefits it's going to cost me a fortune :( the only option I have is to keep hold of them and make him take me to court to get them back! But I don't want to play games involving my children :(

Jamie.d Jan 8th, 2018 20:40 PM

It's even worse because every time they go back to their dad they cry and tell me they want to stay with just mummy.. I feel so powerless this shouldn't be allowed all because he gets help form the council

millielaura Jan 9th, 2018 17:24 PM

That's so unfair. How will you see them if moves so far away :(

Jamie.d Jan 9th, 2018 22:34 PM

I don't know... I'd do anything to be with them!
We have so far managed to avoid court and sort most things out between ourselves but I have booked a solicitors appointment for a couple weeks time so will have to try my best to stop him from going anywhere x

millielaura Jan 9th, 2018 23:01 PM

Yeah solicitors defo sounds a good idea now ! So sorry you have to deal with this xx

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Jamie.d Jan 10th, 2018 18:13 PM

Thank you, the kind words really do help!
Just a waiting game now...But when the time comes I will fight with everything I have...
All I can do for the meantime is screw the diet and stuff my face with biscuits. I think that's the next best plan of action x

millielaura Jan 10th, 2018 19:10 PM

Yes that defo sounds a good idea !Amd a glass of wine too!Hugs xxx

KHTW Jan 16th, 2018 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamie.d (Post 4778211)
It's even worse because every time they go back to their dad they cry and tell me they want to stay with just mummy.. I feel so powerless this shouldn't be allowed all because he gets help form the council

Keep them with you. Let the ex take you to court. There is no way I'd force the kids to go to their dads is that makes them so unhappy. You can find a way, I am sure x

Jamie.d Jan 17th, 2018 14:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KHTW (Post 4783423)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamie.d (Post 4778211)
It's even worse because every time they go back to their dad they cry and tell me they want to stay with just mummy.. I feel so powerless this shouldn't be allowed all because he gets help form the council

Keep them with you. Let the ex take you to court. There is no way I'd force the kids to go to their dads is that makes them so unhappy. You can find a way, I am sure x

I'm not sure if this would be seen by the court as irrational behavior as I'm not deprived of an contact with them, and to be honest he is a good dad, they just prefer staying with me which isn't highly unusual I guess..
I have thought of doing this but will it just rock the boat more?
Or bite me in the bum later? It isn't their fault they're just babies and I'd hate for them to be dragged into our mess :(


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