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Toonlass Jul 23rd, 2010 11:19 AM

Depression support thread
I wanted to start a thread where people can come and talk about deppression. Whether it is you who has it or a friend or family member.

Depression is a very common condition that can affect anyone at any time of life. It comes in all forms of severity and different people deal with it different ways.

I was first diagnosed with depression when i was 19 years old but suffered with it from a very early age (11 onwards). I find i am very secretive about my feelings and always put on a front and try to be what people want me to be but the truth is i am a mess.

My depression has never been as bad as it is right now. I hardly leave the house, i have no motivation, my personal hygene is suffering, i don't want to speak to anyone but when i do i am snappy. I drink alcohol everyday and i cut myself. I cry for about 50% of my waking hours. The only people i talk to (but still don't share my feelings) is you wonderful people on PF.

I am ashamed of my illness and how bad it has become so i hide it from everyone but i think its about time to reveal the real me. Hopefully someone else reading this who suffers from deppression will feel the strength to talk about their feelings and maybe we can all help each other.

I know that keeping things bottled up won't help so i have chosen to unburden myself here where i know (or hope) i won't be judged.

vixforever Jul 23rd, 2010 11:21 AM

Great idea Toon :hug: xx

Rosie's Mummy Jul 23rd, 2010 11:45 AM

Good on you Toon, mental health is so important and should never be forgotten about :hug: to you xx

flexilexi394 Jul 23rd, 2010 12:04 PM

hello. great thread to post, as im sure lots of people will feel relieved with being able to talk about it with others that are similar. when i was about 13 i was diagnosed with depression due to bullying at school, and i got to the point where i would not leave my house and took a year out of school. i recovered quite well, went on to do gcses and then college and stuff. the feeling never returned, until i found out i was pregnant. i know they say hormones have a huge part to play, but i really felt like shite and cried all the time-because of one real reason i wasnt going to mention to people but feel i can - im engaged to the best guy ever, and i am questioning his paternity to my unborn child, as i stupidly had a very irresponsible one night stand. and skin colour has a major part to play, as my fiance and i are white and i had a one night stand with an asian. really bad situation, and so far im doing great at putting on a front, but like you say toonlass, inside you crumple and just want to curl up and never wake up. i havent breathed a word of this to anyone, and so glad i have everyone on here to trust for advice and stuff. so i have a reason i guess for having depression again, and its totally my fault. as we werent TTC i was irresponsible enough to do this, and if my fiance found out he would just die. i dont have a clue what to do, and feel awfully angry and upset a majority of the time. glad i could get that off my chest, as i wasnt going to say anything, but i guess im not the only one, which is reassuring, but certainly doesnt cure anyone. thanks for this thread x

Chellybaby88 Jul 23rd, 2010 13:13 PM

I was diagnosed with depression when i was 14 after my step dad committed suicide. I was on anti-depressants for a while but continued to self harm and i was on a downward spirl and attempted to take my life via pills a few times. I then attended counsilling for a year and i got much better.

I suffered from relapses over the years but i had my worst one after I had DD as i had postnatal depression. It was the worst thing i have gone through and i was genuinely scared of myself and for DD. I went on medication again and stopped taking them by myself in 2007.

Since then, i have had my highs and lows and in the darkest days i do feel like self harming again but i always think of DD and how she needs me to be strong. I don't think i would go on medication again unless my depression became too difficult to live with but i realise that having the support from loved ones really helps and you can get back to normal eventually, it just takes time.

Chin up ladies and big hugs :hug:

Terrie Jul 23rd, 2010 17:04 PM

good thread i will join you on here

... will post more when the kids go to bed tonight

mel_ed Jul 23rd, 2010 17:23 PM

well done toonlass for talking about ur problem.
i havnt suffered with depression my self but my OH went through a really bad patch about 2 years ago.
we had just bought our house and a few months later he went out on a night out and had his drink spiked. he came home and was hilluncinating, saying the house was gonna be raided by the police and alll sorts. as you can imagine i didnt know what the hell was going on and it frightened the life out of me.loads of horrible things happened that night.
after that night my OH couldnt bring himself to stay at our house for months. he was suffering with terrible anxiety and panic attacks for the following months. also got very depressed and lost his job which made things even worse.
our relationship suffered terribly as i stayed in the house most nights whilst he stayed at my mums.
he went through counselling and with my support he eventually managed 2 sleep back at our home.
he hasnt had a panic attack for around a year now and is settled in his new job and so excited to be a daddy.
what happened to him has made us very strong as a couple and i am so glaad that i stuck by him. beacuse trust me it was ssoo hard as he he used to loose his temper very easily.

although i didnt actually go through this myself i never thought my OH would be the same person but trust me there is light at the end of the tunnel. and he's shown me that he's but the past behind him and moved on.

titch Jul 25th, 2010 14:53 PM


Toonlass Jul 25th, 2010 18:41 PM

Bloody hell tiny, sounds like you had a really tough time back then.

Your post has made me think alot about what i put my OH through. I don't let him touch me or show and affection and i cant even be bothered to talk to him. He talks to me but if i'm honest, i don't even listen. The only normal function i seem to be able to do every day is look after the kids, play with them, feed them etc bu if i wasn't deppressed i'd probably do a way better job of it.

I havent even been taking my thyroid pills or anti depressants for about 2 weeks so no wonder i am so down. Thing is tho, once you hit the bottom, you don't see the point iykwim.

Hope everyone has had a nice weekend. OH has kept me very busy for the last 2 days so mine hasn't been too bad xx

titch Jul 25th, 2010 18:47 PM

yeah I know what you mean about getting so low you literally cant do anything to get out of it. Thats what makes it such a horrible condition.

Dont say that you could probably do a better job, because I think you are doing amazing, your kids are fed, played with, taken to and from school etc... dont guilt trip yourself about your health problems, you should be proud of what you are managing to achieve in spite of how you feel a lot of the time :hug:

Glad to hear your OH has kept you busy, sounds like he copes much better than I did!

Toonlass Jul 25th, 2010 19:15 PM

He finds it really hard at times, he works full time and never comes in to his tea on the table. The house is always clean and as tidy as it can be with 3 kids but he usually finds me on the brink of tears when he gets in so he sends me to the bedroom for 30 mins peace bless him xx

Collette Sep 28th, 2010 14:42 PM

I think that this is a really helpful thread, so well done for doing it.

Firstly i want to say that you should never be ashamed of how you feel, you cant help it, its not something that you can snap out of. It is a very isolating condition.

I would go into more details about my own experiances but im a newbie and dont feel confident enough just yet, but im here for you guys.

pinkymum Sep 28th, 2010 21:48 PM

I never knew this thread was here! I have never been open about my mental health problems on here maybe because of fear that I would be judged. Mine is a very long story which I won't go into. I was diagnosed with mental health problems when I was 16, but it probably started a long time before that. I was a severe self harmer up until a year ago, so severe that I've had surgery several times to fix muscle and tendons in my arm. I've had therapy on and off since I was 16 but it wasn't until the beginning of last year that I got into a really good therapy programme. Medication has never worked for me but therapy has. I have worked very hard to be in the place I am today. I'm the most stable I've ever been. I still see a therapist once a week since our full time therapy was closed down due to lack of funding. I've done alot of media work about self harm and mental illness because stigma is still a huge issue.

Anyway, I could write so much more, I know toonlass started this thread a few months ago but I'm really glad its here :)

Lander Sep 28th, 2010 22:47 PM

I used to have a lot of down periods, just crying for hours at like 2am feeling like I was in 'free-fall' with nothing palpable to 'hang-on to'. I always hated that my emotions got me worst in the middle of the night when there was no way of reaching out to anyone, no phone or internet when I was 18...

I still have minor episodes, which I do my best to ignore and distract myself from, my OH calls them my 'sillies' but understands that I can't help having them, and certainly don't want to have them! But he is right, that most of the time, the things that get me down are usually a bit irrational, it's just my mind coming up with worst case scenarios.

I was prescribed Anti-depressants about eight years ago, but just one dose had me further away with the fairies than drink or anything else ever has! It was a frightening experience for me so I decided there and then that I was going to have to kick myself up the arse when ever these feelings started threatening me.

I get cross with myself when I realise that I've started feeling so bad that I see having a bath etc as a chore! I make myself have a 'special' bath, make myself treat myself, keep a stock of bits from Lush in the bathroom cupboard!! I know what it feels like to just stay sat on the sofa thinking 'what's the point?' I force myself to get up and make a big deal of putting my make-up on and wearing my fave clothes and just getting my butt out of the door, even if I just go to Asda and pick up some random must haves.... It changes my mood enough to help me work my way out of it.

I also found that even though talking to people always felt like the last thing I wanted to do when feeling down, just doing it, no matter how hard it felt at the time, was always the best thing to do.

I am actually concerned about my depression for when I come off the pill, I found mine has really lessened my problems (have been on it since 2004), so, unsure what I will be like off it again. Same goes for my risk of PDN, pretty sure my Mum had it really bad so.... Hmm. We shall see.

ERIN84 Sep 29th, 2010 10:37 AM

Fab thread Toon!

I went through a really bad patch and was diagnosed with depression when I was 18. I got involved with a guy ALOT older than me. He didnt live nearby so I didnt know much about him. Met him town and things progressed from there. I kept the relationship a secret from my mum and dad as I knew they would approve as he was alot older than me. Well to cut the story short - I totally fell for him. He treated me like a princess. I was young and nieve!

A year and a half later I got a phonecall from a woman claiming to be his wife! I couldnt believe it as I had been to his house and there was no sign of anyone else living there? As it turns out, he was just a very very good liar and cheat. When it came out he was married he said he wanted me. He told his wife in front of me that he loved me and didnt want her anymore. I told him it was over, no way could I be with someone that could lie that much.

Then my dad got very very ill. I ended up getting back in touch with this guy as I needed some comfort. All my family had tunred against me when they realised I had been seeing a married man and didnt believe that I (god honest truth) did not know he was married! How stupid can someone be to not realise that? We spent some time together and he said he wanted me to leave my family and then he would leave his wife.

That was the moment it clicked to me what an arsehole this guy was. There was my dad, lying so ill and he wanted me to cause so much heartache by walking away and for my parents never to see me again? No! I cut contact staright away and cried to myslef every night as I missed him so much ( I dont know why)

A few week slater my dad died at home as my mum, brother and I held his hand saying goodbye. I will always remember that moment for as long as I live. Once the funeral was over I booked a one way ticket to Australia and quit my job. I flew out 2 days later and went traveling. thats where I met my wonderfull Rob. We are now married with a baby and I have a fantastic life.

I look back and feel so so guilty for the pain and upset I put my family through. Especially my dad for putting him through that before he died. that is something I will NEVER forgive myself for. xxx

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