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Nov 9th, 2012, 07:45 AM   #16
 
I wasn't too bad, they put Charlie on me after birth and I had him for a few minutes before they took him off to stick ng tube in, then we had another cuddle before he was taken to scbu for the night, when we went to see him it felt like he was someone else's baby
He then went onto a ward to await an operation and was in an incubator for 3 weeks
Like above it felt like we needed permission to do things, couldn't treat him like ours and bonding was definitely hard, i hardly did skin to skin, even when they encouraged it everytime i fid it, something would happen; another doctor would come and examine him and id have to put him back
as a result my breast milk was so low we had to combi feed from a week old and it still never got going; just given up after 7 weeks of 20ml expressed

As soon as we got home, the feeling of bonding was instant, within a day we were there, he was now mine and I made his choices, not the nurses
It was a very good week

I feel like I failed him a bit due to the breast milk but know, or blame, the situation
 
 
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Nov 9th, 2012, 07:50 AM   #17
 
Pressed send too soon

I keep telling my friend: he's easy, he doesn't cry, I'm getting sleep, this has been a doddle so far, they look at me really odd and say that what we had to deal with, was very hard and they don't know how we got through it (I look oddly back...) but you do get through it, don't you?

To note; Charlie was born 3 weeks early with down syndrome and a block bowel, so although he wasn't classed as preemie, feels like we did a similar journey
 
 
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tweetyfoo
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Nov 10th, 2012, 14:31 PM   #18
 
I had a hard time of it with my LO

He was born 4 weeks early with Down's Syndrome - which was a complete surprise to us.

He didn't go into SCBU straight away - I got a private room in the ward due to the circumstances and he stayed with me for 4 days. During that time they were worried about his blood sugars which meant a blood test every three hours. I was determined to BF so he barely ate for first 48hrs. Once my milk issue was sorted and I was expressing and syringe feeding (I was very anti feeding tube) they then became concerned about his jaundice and again was getting blood tests every 3 hours again.

We then found out he had a hole in his heart but were allowed home and given an outpatient appt for 2 days later.

At the scan they discovered a problem with his lungs and he was admitted to hospital and put on oxygen (which he is still on now)

Nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for seeing my little boy in an incubator hooked up to all sorts of wires and tubes, I was completely incosolable - to the point where the doctors became concerned about me.

Thankfully a lovely doctor, came and explained everything really well to me, and I can't thank him enough for that.

We ended up in hospital for 4 weeks - it was really hard, especially towards the end.

I spoke to a psychologist in the hospital and it really helped. I also spoke to the sister in charge and voiced my opinions on the way things are done, and gave her a mums perspective on my stay and she took it all on board.
 
 

 
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Kate1985
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Nov 10th, 2012, 22:38 PM   #19
 
Hi all, we are going through this right now. Had Harry at 32 weeks on 5th November and leaving him behind at the hospital is killing me. Watching the nurses feed him and care for my son us tearing me up inside. I'm scared he won't bond with me and that he won't know who I am. I'm terrified I'm missing out on things and at the moment all I do is cry xxxx
 
 
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Andreabrad
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Nov 11th, 2012, 18:24 PM   #20
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kate1985 View Post
Hi all, we are going through this right now. Had Harry at 32 weeks on 5th November and leaving him behind at the hospital is killing me. Watching the nurses feed him and care for my son us tearing me up inside. I'm scared he won't bond with me and that he won't know who I am. I'm terrified I'm missing out on things and at the moment all I do is cry xxxx
I know exactly how your feeling. Although the nurses that cared for Ollie were fab, they used to say you can't do that or don't do that and it was awful. Felt like he wasn't mine andi found that hard to deal with. I cried every day and just felt so so guilty. I look at him now and still cry. I tried so hard in the first few days to get my milk going as he was ng fed formula something I really diddnt want.

I had it all planned. He would be placed on me after birth and I would breast feed and things would be lovely. How wrong I was.

The hardest thing to deal with is the lack of control. And did he know it was me, and not just another nurse.

I started to do the ng feeds myself so every 3 hours I set my alarm on my phone and went to feed him myself and change him and care for him. I was lucky I was able to be in the hospital. The nurses would tell me to get some sleep and they would do it but I really diddnt want them to do it. I am his mum its my job.

Things will get better. You will get confidence in doing little things. The one thing only I could do for him was provide him with my milk. And I get a lot of satisfaction from that. No one else can do it so that was my part in his care.

We're home now thankfully, but the NICU nurses still come 3 times a week. I felt the bond as soon as I got him home and he was finally mine. No nurses watching what I was doing.

Keep strong, and talk about how your feeling don't bottle it up. Get involved as much as possible with the care side of things, it will make you feel much better.

I hope things get better for you, if you need to talk, I am here

Thinking of you xxxxxx
 
 
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Constantstar
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Nov 11th, 2012, 21:00 PM   #21
 
Owen was 39 weeks a nd spent one week in scbu as bumped his head on way out and had bleeding between skin and skull- I missed those first moments too but I know it was best for him but it's a very difficult thing to deal with and I do feel I missedbthe bonding but as soon a I saw him properly ( next day) I was in love x

sent from my Samsung Galaxy S3 :P
 
 

 
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Princess81
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Nov 11th, 2012, 21:38 PM   #22
 
L/o was born at 36+6 with transient tachypnea.
Also I had an infection during labour and they rushed through two set of antibiotics but I progressed so fast at the end they didn't have chance to give the third. So he was kept on antibiotics 5 days after birth.
Also he was quite badly jaundiced so had phototherapy for a few days.
I got to hold him immediately after delivery whilst o/h cut the cord - he was whisked straight off to scbu and I was calling for him and crying as my arms just ached to hold him, I got no skin to skin etc but I knew it was for the best.
I hated seeing all these tubes over him and he had to get a feeding tube put in as he was finding it too hard to breathe so he couldn't feed it was awful seeing his tiny chest heaving with effort
What also got me is that he had bruises all over his tiny hands and feet from the iv antibiotics, in the end they had to put it in his head
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1352669827.745162.jpg
This pic is the day before he was discharged and was able to feed. But look at his poor little hand
It upsets me to this day, I try to block it out. You'd never know to look at him, he's a big chunk now
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1352669907.952081.jpg
 
 

 
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Andreabrad
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Nov 11th, 2012, 23:10 PM   #23
 
Aww he is beautiful!!!!

Until you have experienced something like this you can't truly appreciate how hard it is.

Giving birth is one of the most precious moments in your life. It should be treasured. But when your baby needs some help it becomes one of the most traumatic events ever. The hormones make it so much worse.

My baby had iv antibiotics too and had several needles put in place and it was horrific.

He needs his blood taken tomorrow and I feel sick at the thought. Our babies are so precious and were programmed to protect and care for them. In situations like this total control is taken away and mums are left helpless.

It's such a awful experience xxx
 
 
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Princess81
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Nov 11th, 2012, 23:18 PM   #24
 
What we can be thankful for is that they will never remember a single thing about it. Whereas we'll never forget. Just focus in the positives eh, they made it earth side ok and now we get to have a hundred cuddles per day xx good luck tomorrow xx
 
 

 
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Nov 13th, 2012, 17:45 PM   #25
 
We look back at pictures now and cringe too; he just looks terrible and now you'd never know he had anything wrong
Charlie wasn't a fan of the needles but worse still was when they squeezed his foot for the bm tests and took his epidural plaster off... It covered his entire back
 
 
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tweetyfoo
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Nov 13th, 2012, 17:49 PM   #26
 
Aaron was like a pin cushion, he was getting blood tests for his sugars, then for jaundice, then for his oxygen levels.

His poor feet were black and blue, and he screamed every time, I felt so bad for him

I'm more mad about the fact that I felt like I couldn't take pictures of him till about 3 weeks in when a nurse asked me if I was getting lots of pics of him.

I think that parents need more information about how the place works, who does what and what the rules are.

I personally did all the cares myself for Aaron, as it was my personal opinion that it was my job. The nurses quite often told me to get some sleep, but I had to get up to express anyway. Changing his nappy and feeding him was all I could do for him.
 
 

 
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Nov 13th, 2012, 18:03 PM   #27
 
We stayed in 2 hospitals; the first dud everything for us and there was no need to be there at all. Changing, feeding, cuddling..In fact we were the only parents in our section who were there pretty much all of the time.
The second hospital did nothing except clinical stuff it was one extreme to the other
 
 
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Nov 13th, 2012, 18:05 PM   #28
 
Must add that we didn't let the first one do everything though; perfect opportunity to practise our nappy changing techniques
 
 
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tweetyfoo
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Nov 13th, 2012, 18:12 PM   #29
 
I was the only mum who was at the hospital full time, they tried to kick me out but I put my big mammy foot down!
 
 

 
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Andreabrad
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Nov 13th, 2012, 20:10 PM   #30
 
I didn't leave. I couldn't. It broke my heart going to my bed for the night!! If I hadn't been given the family room to stay in I would have slept in the car!! There were some babies on the unit and I diddnt even see any parents visit I found it really strange. I couldn't keep away. But I suppose people cope differently.

Ollies feet are a mess from all the squeezing and needles. He screams. So I've been rubbing his little feet and massaging them to try and relieve the discomfort but to also let him know that every time his feet are touched that it doesn't mean pain. Don't want him getting a fear of his feet poor little thing.

xx
 
 
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