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Chase
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How did you know

Sep 9th, 2018, 16:03 PM   #1
 
That you were ready to move on and try again.

I had a MMC, discovered 2.5 weeks ago and SMM just over a week ago. Since been back in hospital with some post op complications., and had to have another procedure but I opted for local anaesthetic this time because I couldn't face GA again

Not only am I mentally exhausted, but I'm physically exhausted. My body is hurting all the time.

While I'm desperate for a baby and I'd love nothing more than to be pregnant again I feel like I'm still attached to the baby that I lost. That I'm not ready to forget it and move on. I also feel like my body needs a break.

Im aware that I'm at my most fertile after a loss so I should probably cash in on that but it doesn't feel right, I just don't want to ruin my chances as I'm. 36 and not getting any younger.

Did anyone else wait? I don't know what to do
 
 

 
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Kholl
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Sep 9th, 2018, 21:25 PM   #2
 
Chase I'm so, so sorry. I was absolutely sidelined by how completely my loss devastated me. I was utterly steamrolled by grief and anger. I am also 36 (I was miscarrying over my birthday actually) and I felt much of what you're feeling now. For me, there was no option but to try again. I don't even know what it would have meant to be "ready", there just felt like no other option. I was terrified of trying again, and of being pregnant again, but I was even more terrified of NOT trying again. So it wasn't really about feeling "ready" - it was about feeling like the only real option, for me and for DH too.

Thinking of you. I hope you feel better soon.
 
 

 
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Akua
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Sep 9th, 2018, 22:12 PM   #3
 
I definitely didn’t feel “ready”. If you look back over my journal you’ll see what I mean. I felt like I needed a baby in the same way your body needs oxygen. When I didn’t fall again the first month I was devastated. I often used to spend sex holding back tears, especially as my mc was quite traumatic.

And then the second month I sort of fell accidentally pregnant? I previously had always ovulated on CD25 and had really long cycles. We’d kind of decided we were going to take some time out of ttc. Started taking opks around cd 23 and kept getting negatives. On cd28 decided to take a pregnancy test and got the shock of my life when it was positive. Really hadn’t anticipated it as we hadn’t really tried and I’ve never had a normal length cycle.

Now I am pregnant again it seems better, however early early pregnancy was awful. Would constant break down in tears thinking it would happen again. Even now, I’ve had a 12 week scan and all is well, I still don’t quite trust that this is going to work out and I haven’t told anyone I’m pregnant yet as I still think it’ll all go wrong. But I am totally at peace now about my last mc.
 
 

 
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Kholl
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Sep 9th, 2018, 22:42 PM   #4
 
Yes Akua I feel the same way - I am worried about the anatomy scan like I wasn't with my others - I mean I am a worrier and I've always worried to a degree, but now I actually BELIEVE that the worst can happen, and that things can actually really truly go wrong. it changes future pregnancies for sure. The first trimester was rough, that's for sure. And I had a moment last night of overwhelming guilt because it felt like I haven't honored the baby I lost before this one, or like I had "forgotten" about him/her, and as a mother I felt awful. It's an ever-shifting and confusing batch of emotions post-MC, that's for sure.
 
 

 
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chattychar1990
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Sep 10th, 2018, 09:30 AM   #5
 
Chase - i don't really have any advice for you but didn't want to read and run.
Sending you big hugs hun
xx
 
 

 
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Princess81
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Sep 10th, 2018, 13:21 PM   #6
 
I never really felt ready either, but just didn’t prevent it - I thought if my body could do it, then so could I.
I never really got over it and think about what happened quite often - like my due date would’ve been my best friends birthday and is looming in a couple of weeks. But then i look at cam and know I wouldn’t have him if the other pregnancy had been successful and all the love that I have for both babies just goes into him.
 
 

 
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Sjf0709
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Sep 11th, 2018, 20:13 PM   #7
 
I never really felt ready either but focusing on OPKs and TWW afterwards really helped me to try to look forwards instead of backwards on what would have been or what could have been... if you don’t feel ready then wait. They say you’re most fertile for 3 months after MC so you’ve got time. Take time out to grieve and heal physically for your loss... there’s no right or wrong answer. We are all here for you... xx
 
 

 
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Rainbow1234
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Sep 12th, 2018, 21:19 PM   #8
 
Different spin on it but I’m desperate to try again but I’m not allowed as it looks like my last pregnancy was a molar. I’ve been ok until this week and now I’m really struggling. You don’t need to rush yourself if you need some time, I know you mentioned your age but a month or 2 won’t make any difference, in fact it could be positive if it helps you get in a better headspace. I hope you manage to make a decision you’re comfortable with xx
 
 
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Chase
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Sep 13th, 2018, 13:52 PM   #9
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbow1234 View Post
Different spin on it but Iím desperate to try again but Iím not allowed as it looks like my last pregnancy was a molar. Iíve been ok until this week and now Iím really struggling. You donít need to rush yourself if you need some time, I know you mentioned your age but a month or 2 wonít make any difference, in fact it could be positive if it helps you get in a better headspace. I hope you manage to make a decision youíre comfortable with xx
Actually I'm on hold too due to some post op complications, and not being able to is making me realise how much I want it. So I think my decision is made.

I'm still getting very feint positives though which are quite frankly starting to really piss me off!
 
 

 
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Rainbow1234
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Sep 13th, 2018, 16:42 PM   #10
 
That’s great chase, so pleased you’ve made a decision. Fingers crossed we both get the green light to try again quickly x
 
 
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