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PF Savvy
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 212


First Post In 6 Weeks

Oct 13th, 2016, 20:54 PM   #1
So after a scare and then hope I had my hopes crushed on Aug 31st when my little bean had no heartbeat. I started bleeding almost immediately after the scan and miscarried on the 1st of September. That in turn triggered a massive crash with my depression as I stopped taking my med when I found out and I have been off work for 6 weeks now which is making me feel worse but at the same time I cant face going back yet (massively traumatic events caused depression) but don't want my workmates thinking I'm like his just because of the MC.

So I am now on CD4 and terrified, excited, nervous and want to throw up just thinking about trying again but I wanted my little bean so badly and have always wanted at least #3 babies. Sorry for going on and on but I don't really have anyone to talk to about this as I just feel like I am bothering my OH with it.

Anyway just needed to get that out as I keep so much to myself I am likely to burst at some point! x
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Oct 14th, 2016, 09:52 AM   #2
Oh no, so sorry to hear this Hun, was wondering where you had got too....

I don't have much experience with your situation, but you sound like you are now a bit more positive and looking to the future.
Good luck on your journey! Xx
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Oct 14th, 2016, 10:25 AM   #3
Hi angel,

I'm so sorry to read you lost your little bean. How heartbreaking! We've been trying for 18 months and lost 2. The first one set my depression off massively (I was already having a lot of issues other than this but losing the pregnancy just tipped me right over), I didn't leave the house for weeks and I cried all the time. I was off work for 5 weeks and my anxiety was through the roof. I didn't go back on any anti depressants though as I'd fought so hard to come off them, I didn't want this to feel like a huge step back. I spoke to my boss about everything and went back to work on a phased return. My first day back was awful just mentally, but each day did get easier and now I find work a good distraction most days. After the second I took 2 weeks off somehow didn't take it as badly, I almost think I was expecting it in some way. I've made no secret of the loses to my colleagues which I've also found a comfort. My depression still hangs over me like a huge big shadow but it's almost ruined my life way too many times and I need to focus on what's in front of me, it's the only thing that keeps me going. I look at my little boy all the time and keep thinking who and what I want to be for him. If I give into the wicked thoughts in my head then I'll sink into that big black hole again. I'm not really offering you any advice, just my perspective really. Depression is such a personal battle that we need to find our own way of defeating! I'm here if you ever want to talk xxx
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Oct 14th, 2016, 19:42 PM   #4
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way lovely ♡ and you Mrs S! Have you been back to you doctor and back on your meds? I hope you get your rainbow baby soon xxx
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Oct 15th, 2016, 21:52 PM   #5
I'm so sorry angel, I think you and I were in April mum's together for a short while. I miscarried on 11 Sep.

Quite a few people know about my miscarriage but I don't really talk to anyone about it, can't shake the feeling they all think I'm mad getting pregnant at my age. I also can't really talk to oh as he's under so much pressure from other things going on.

We'll be trying again this month and will probably go the IVF route soon due to age.

Keep coming on here and talking, I found it a huge support.

Best of luck x
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Oct 18th, 2016, 14:14 PM   #6
Thanks for the responses ladies just struggling with it all. We are NTNP just going more relaxed with it. I'm not using OPKs either this month as I think it just made it more stressful. But I have found this forum very helpful and supportive. Yeah Syd43 I think we were. I'm sorry you have had to go through this too. If you are healthy enough to get pregnant then why listen to what anyone says about getting pregnant. Good luck with TTC x
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