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PF Newbie
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 4

Fed up and miserable

Nov 11th, 2017, 09:31 AM   #1
Hi everyone, this is my first ever time posting on anything like this, but with everything going on I thought why not try and speak to people in the same boat, people who actually understand, my fiancé (matthew) and I have been TTC for nearly four years it's been a very slow and stressful process for us as while we was in the middle of finding out the cause my little brother got cancer! So all investigations into why we can't get pregnant got put on hold, my brother is now in remission thank god! So we've obviously now got chance to
Focus on us, We've had all tests done before my brother took ill but something always went wrong with Matthews sperm samples e.g. To late for drop off, man at the counter never took it from him, and many many more times! I'd feel sorry for him having to do it so much but I'm sure it was fine by him 😂 Anyway we've recently got the results of his last test and they arnt good, he's got a very low sperm count and what he does have has no mobility, which from what I can gather it's going to be a long haul for us now, as we won't be able to conceive naturally! All my friends around me have had babies but my very best friend (whom hasn't exactly been the greatest of friends to me) decided to tell me she was TTC a couple of weeks after me finding out my brother was ill, also after knowing full well the struggles we were having TTC after having two miscarriages that she didn't tell me about and being told she had polycystic ovaries within a few months and a few break ups with her partner she was pregnant and this had completely shattered my views on her and I can't physically be around her, everytime something went wrong in my life she was always there to rub her amazing life in my face and this was the cherry on the cake, she told me she was pregnant by waving her scan in my face and I haven't seen her since, it's been 10 months and she's now had the baby, but I can't even bare to see them, I know I'm evil and a terrible person but I feel she's never cared enough about my feelings anyway and this just done it for me, she's never asked why I've been so distant or really tried to make much effort herself! She's close with my family which makes it so much worse! I can't work out weather I'm just extremely envious or she just went about everything the wrong way! I don't think she even realises the pain I'm in with it all! I suffer with depression and anxiety and have done for many years but since meeting my partner I've come extremely far from the person I was i don't take any medication and I like to think I'm a calm, happy person but everything now is beginning to drag me down and I'm getting fed up of waiting for the only thing I want in life!! I'm normally really positive and have been for four years bur now it's grinding me down and I don't know what to do! X
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 274

Nov 28th, 2017, 10:19 AM   #2
Hi Brinteg, sorry I’ve only just read your story. It’s sounds like you’ve been through an incredibly difficult time, I can’t imagine how hard it must have been.

I understand your feelings towards your friend. Please don’t think you’re a terrible person, if you need to cut a friendship out of your life to protect your mental health than that is absolutely fine and the right thing to do. I’ve done it myself.

What are the next steps for you now with TTC? Will you have IVF? I hope that you’re getting the right medical support but also the right emotional support. It sounds like you have overcome so many difficulties so far, I know it can feel tiring when they feel never ending but know that you’ve been strong to get to where you are now xx
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fed, miserable

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