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Join Date: Nov 2016
I vowed to write about our experience in the hope that it will offer hope and comfort to others who have been through a similar experience.
After three months of trying, my husband and I were absolutely over the moon to find out that we were expecting our first child. Straight away our heads were full of plans, dreams and excitement for the future. We had always said that we wanted to keep this news to ourselves until we'd had our 12 weeks scan so with that decided we looked forward to the next 7 weeks of having our own little secret!
One week later while packing for a weekend away for a friends wedding I started to experience the worst back ache I have ever had, unaware that this could be a sign of something being wrong I carried on looking forward to our time away. Funnily enough I had registered with the doctors as being pregnant the week before and the midwife called on the day after to book to see me and see how I was, I mentioned my back pain and it was put down to the fact I drive a lot with work, I thought nothing more. Once we arrived at the hotel I decided that I'd have a bath to ease the pain and this worked wonders and I was relieved to say the least. Following a brief nap we started to get ready for dinner and that's when the spotting started.
I kept this to myself not wanting to concern my husband while we were away for a happy occasion and I prayed for it to have stop and be nothing. We got through the weekend and I planned to call midwife the next day. That Monday morning I woke up and experienced extremely heavy bleeding, unable to control myself I called my husband and explained that we were loosing the baby, clearly shocked he tried to be positive and reassuring. I called the midwife to be told sympathetically to take the day off work and see how it goes, to leave it a week and to then take another pregnancy test.
Well, I didn't take the day of work, instead I travelled having meetings with customers and staying 4 hours away from home that night, never ever have I felt such emotional pain or cried so much. Advice, please do not think it's a good idea to do I wouldn't wish that lonlinesss no internally suffering on your own to anyone. My husband still tried to be positive despite me knowing what was happening.
The bleeding continued for the week and as advised we took another test. The original test had been a clear blue with the week indicator and had said 1-2 weeks so when we took this further test and it said 2-3 we didn't know what to think. I called the midwife and explained and an early scan was arranged for the middle of the next week.
At the scan they couldn't find anything and diagnosised me with a miscarriage, our hearts broke hearing it said out loud. I had bloods taken and had to return two days later.
The next day I suffered excruciating pain on the left of my abdomen, which brought me to tears but eventually passed, I told them this at my next blood appointment. Nothing was mentioned regarding the pain but my second lot of bloods taken, told that they expect to see a drop and that they'd be in touch in there was any problems.
I went off to work and was out of mobile signal all day. On my journey home tired and drained I had three voicemails from the hospital asking me to go back in. The final said that if the pain returned I had to return to the ward and tell them I had a suspected ectopic. I was shocked. The hcg levels in my blood had gone up not down!
The next day was Saturday and we had planned a day out, while loading the car the pain came back, crippling me and bringing me to tears again. I called the hospital. I spoke to the doctor on the ward who was a trainee who didn't show at real concern or urgency in my going in, instead I was advised to take pain killers and see how it went.
I did take painkiller but I didn't feel right, I was still bleeding heavily which I had been for almost two weeks now so I went in. After waiting for half an hour he came and spoke to us. Again there was no real air of concern and I was told that it was unlikely to be ectopic due to the bleeding but that they'd observe me for a while. I was out in a side room and left.
They took a pregnancy test which confirmed I was still showing as pregnant and they took bloods again reluctantly as they said not enough time had lapsed to get an accurate result, the result came back unchanged. A different doctor came and saw me and agin it was very mixed messages, told that the don't think it is an ectopic but that I should stay in over night, I was reluctant to do this as they just kept saying it was just to be sure but wouldn't do any further scans or checks.
After a couple of hours I went to the bathroom and came back and felt awfully faint. I was dizzy, had ringing in my ears and blurred vision. I was out on a drip. At this point the other doctor came back and said again that they wanted me to stay in and that if I went home and I suffered a ruptured ectopic that I could die but it was up to me. This is their first time anyone strayed to take it serious. After being taken off the drip, I felt better so got up to go to the bathroom, this time I fainted. I was picked up and now told I was going for Emergancy surgery.
I was disorientated but it was scary, I had the most intense pain in my shoulder and I was being asked to confirm details, sign consents and having extra canulars added. Everything was happening so quick and so many people were rushing round me.
Before surgery I told my husband, now you need to call our families and explain what's going on. Looking back I cry when I think of how scared he must have been to see all of this unfold and then me gone for surgery and him alone.
The next morning while the night doctor did his rounds I was awake but drowsy while he tried to tell me the details. Things hadn't been straight forward and being a lone I was confused and scared.
I was lucky enough to only have had key hole surgery but when they started they realised that my abdomen was fill of blood, this internal bleeding had caused the fainting and shoulder pain. I lost half my blood going down to an level of 7 meaning I'd required a blood transfusion.
They first looked at the right fellopian tube and say a swelling, assuming it was the ectopic, despite the pain being on the left they removed the whole tube. They then check the left and found a further budge. Wanting to try and save the tube they operated in it to remove the clot and swelling and stitch it up.
The swelling on the right turned out to be a harmless cyst that they suspect I've always had, the left they say is where the ectopic was but they found not feral sac and suspect that due to the excessive internal bleeding that had come out that way. I was 7 1/2 weeks pregnant.
The following doctors asked questions like was the baby planned, Yes it was. They asked if I'd every had an sti and perhaps I should get checked, I know why they asked but it felt very insensitive considering what I'd been though.
I would never have understood or believed the grief you can feel for sometning you've never seen. In those couple of weeks our future dreams were shattered and I felt empty.
Following a check up with the surgeon a few weeks later we asked about future fertility to which we were told that it may not be possible with only one tube and that one tube being now damaged. It was hard to swallow and I suffered mentally following the whole ordeal. At another visit to the doctors to get a sick nit extension she started to tell me how good the fertility treatment success rate is in our area etc etc.
Our families never mentioned it once we told them and we all just kinda had to wait and see.
Once I had recovered I was determined that I would prove the doctors wrong and we started trying again and I'm thrilled to report that 3 months later we were pregnant again.
Now this was great news but also terrifying and to be honest we never let ourselves fully believe it. I took the first clear blue which said 1-2 weeks. Now this might sound silly but the key thing with ectopic is that your pregnancy doesn't progress so your hcg levels never get very high. The next week we took another, it said 2-3. Still we just hoed but didn't get excited then the following week we took a third and it said 3+, this meant the levels were rising as they should.
Due to the situation before I was booked for an early scan at 7 weeks. To get to 7 weeks healthy was a relief but still it hadn't sunk in. We got to see our baby, or blob as it was, in the right place this time and with a heart beat. Relived we were both still a bit emotionless.
I think following the pain we had put a wall up to stop ourselves being hurt again so were prepared for the worst.
This was obviously fantastic news but I still was very aware that until 12 weeks I couldn't start to relax.
At our 12 week scan we were told our baby is textbook, to us, being textbook we exactly what we wanted to hear! One of the other great things about this scan is we got to wait in what we called the happy waiting room. After waiting for numerous scans in the early pregnancy unit where you know everyone is hoping and praying for the best, to go and sit and wait with other pregnant mums was huge!!
We could now tell family the good news and shock, tears and happiness were the reactions!
Yesterday we had our 16 week check up and got to hear our baby's heartbeat, we are now starting to look forward and plan our future again.
I'm sorry this story is long but I read so many stories of other people's ectopic experience and conception success following that it bought me relief and gave me some positivity that I just want this to help someone else.
Our next scan is the day before our first pregnancy would have been due and our new due date is a year and a day after my ectopic operation.. We won't ever forget what we went through and although we wish we'd been able to enjoy the blissful happiness that comes with the naivety of your first pregnancy it has bought my husband and I closer and made me believe that we are stronger than we know when pushed.
My apologies for any spelling errors, I just thought and typed and could go back to check.
Join Date: Jan 2014
I'm so sorry about your ectopic and what you had to go through. So glad you have got your happy ending though
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Join Date: May 2016
I feel so emotional having read this - I went in at 8 weeks with a suspected ectopic and what happened to you flashed before my eyes as we waited in the epu waiting room.. It turned out to be an infection in my tubes which, though not ideal, meant my baby was fine and is now due in 11 weeks.. I am so thrilled you got your happy ending, and obviosuly so sorry for your loss and the ordeal you went through xx
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