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leanne1b
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Oct 14th, 2010, 09:19 AM   #31
 
Christ. I'm surprised I recommended them, as never been much use to me either, but works for some people.
I'm sorry Hun, r ur family any help? X
 
 
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ria__x
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Oct 14th, 2010, 23:48 PM   #32
 
hello. this is a great thread Toon, thankyou!

i'm not too sure what's wrong with me. i have been very messed up since about 11. i have been told i have all sorts but never dealt with properly. my family doctor was rubbish and psychologist told me when i was 13/14 i had been diagnosed with 'anxiety issues' and then i was diagnosed with depression after many years of trying to get help when i was 18, but the tablets they put me on.. think they're called citlopram, made me suicidal. and when i got pregnant i got myself referred to a counsellor and that realy helped.

but after having ickle man i returned back to my old self and it has been tough. i've now been diagnosed with OCD and depression but referred to a psychologist as i still have really bad ups and downs even on medication (100mg sertraline). i suspect i may have bipolar.

i didn't have any support until i met my fiance. and he's been a rock since. he can get frustrated sometimes as he too suffers with head problems (due to an accident) but he's done very well dealing with me! i infact had a anxiety, depressive episode today and i still feel pretty down. i can't get close to anyone because anyone who i've ever relied on including my family turn their back on me. i also get scared people wont like me when they see the real me. tomorrow i could be feeling completely fine and positive and can take on the world. but the next day i don't want to get out of bed because i can see hairs on the floor just after i swept it.

i just wanted to rant this out. as i'm feeling really rubbish. and wanted to say. i'm sorry you feel like that Toon, i don't have many friends either, you PF girls are my closest! i am on good tems with my inlaws. but they can sometimes be too much and the opposite of what i need.

i hope everyone is ok and know you can get through anything. i know i can, but in the meantime. i'm not in the best of places. at least i have my beautiful OH and son to put a smile on my face xxxxxxxx
 
 

 
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Toonlass
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Oct 15th, 2010, 08:40 AM   #33
 
Well done for sharing! Sometimes it's hard admitting your problems, I worry that people will think I'm a psycho lol. I've been given many 'labels' such as acute anxiety disorder, bipolar, borderline personality dissorder, OCD and even anger issues. I reckon I'll never get better but I hope that one day I'll get the right mix of happy pills to keep me right xx
 
 

 
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ria__x
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Oct 15th, 2010, 13:25 PM   #34
 
aw thankyou Toon. and yes i always think people will think i'm a psycho, i've been called it enough times aha

i think that i will always be the way i am no matter what. but you just have to find a way to deal with it and get on with it. i am looking forward to getting CBT treatment as it teaches you different patterns on how to deal with your behaviour apparently..

personally, i think everyone is a 'psycho' or have some aspects of every disorder out there, some people just know how to hide it better

thankyou again Toon

to everyone!!!
 
 

 
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pinkymum
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Oct 15th, 2010, 14:20 PM   #35
 
Borderline personality disorder has Been my main diagnosis. The only thing that has worked for me is intensive psychotherapy. They tried me on lithium, antipsychotics (not because of psychosis but severe self harm) anti depressants since I was 16. None of that helped. So I came off it all. I've been well for months now and I've never been well for this amount of time. I was talking to my therapist yesterday and I was telling him I was trying to work out "how borderline I am now" lol. I've talked about my worries of things going wrong but I'm just trying to enjoy feeling ok. I actually can't believe how much I've changed! It's amazing because I always thought I would be a mess! I don't have a crystal ball so I don't know what the future holds but for now I'm enjoying being ok

I know therapy isn't right for everyone but if someone like me can be well then I believe lots of people can. Sorry if I sound like a twat lol.

X x x x
 
 
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Toonlass
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Oct 15th, 2010, 15:24 PM   #36
 
I have tried therapy but all my shrinks have let me Dow by either leaving the practice or bit turning up. One of them used to tell me her life story and how she had depression I mean WTF! Is that supposed to help like! Lol xx
 
 

 
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ria__x
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Oct 15th, 2010, 17:54 PM   #37
 
lmao really? god that is so stupid. my counsellor left too the nhs always let us down in some way. my doctors just told me i have hormone issues for 5 years xxxx
 
 

 
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Terrie
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Oct 16th, 2010, 07:28 AM   #38
 
hey girls i did say i would post my story on here ages ago but i found it too hard, so ill try now.

ive suffered with depression most of my life but ive only ever been on medication for 1year and that was 3 years ago.. i stopped taking them off my own back because they werent helping with another thing i suffer with.. Dissociation. ive had a dissociation disorder for as long as i can remember and have been going to sessions to keep it under control since i was 15 (i did have a 2 year break from the sessions but in the end i just couldnt do it alone) the easiest way to describe dissociation is.. you know when you drive somewhere, and then all of a sudden youre there and you dont quite remember your journey because youre kinda on auto pilot? thats just what its like but i can be like that for days.

ok.. so.. why i have DD. i was abused as a child, mentally and physically for 14 years and sexually for 5 of those years. also included in that were forms of torture. the way i coped with it my whole life was to dissociate (let my mind leave my body) but once i got out of that situation when i was 14 i found that i couldnt actually control the dissociating, literally the smallest thing could set me off, so i started sessions.

ok so i realise this is a depression thread not a DD thread *doh* soo the depression is monitored carefully through my sessions and as long they are happy i dont have to go back on any medication, not that i would fight them if they suggested it, more worried about finding one right for me.

some days are really good, other days are really hard... but i get through it. feel free to ask any questions.. not many people have heard of DD before..
 
 

 
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Toonlass
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Oct 16th, 2010, 12:11 PM   #39
 
Terrie it must have took a lot of guts to share that with us I hadnever heard of DD before, it sounds terrible. Do you loose days type thing? Like sundenly it's Saturday but the last thing you remember Is Wednesday? Xx
 
 

 
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pinkymum
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Oct 16th, 2010, 13:29 PM   #40
 
Oh terrie I really feel for you! I've met a few people online over the years with DD. Must be so hard, does medication help? I've had mild dissociation when I've been under extreme stress. Used to happen at night and I'd do harmful things to
Myself but felt outside my body and not able to control it and then I'd wake up in the morning wondering what the he'll had happened!

Toon I think I've been really lucky because for years I had psychiatrists, therapists and nurses who I'd see for a few months and then they'd bugger off. But finally found decent therapists. I know it's defo not for everyone though.
I had a massive argument with my mum last night, same crap that it's been since I was little. She was abusive when I was younger. Feel a bit rubbish today but nothing like I would have a year ago. Life really sucks sometimes!

Have you managed to pick up your tablets toon?

*hugs* to all!
 
 
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Terrie
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Oct 16th, 2010, 13:55 PM   #41
 
Yeah I do loose days toon, it will feel like I'm 'spaced out' or 'disconnected' for days and I don't really know it's happening then I'll come back and vaguely remember some things I've done (no details) but usually about 15mins later my mind wipes the slate clean and I don't know what I've done :o/ . I do function though, I go to work, I look after the kids, on auto pilot..

I am so lucky that colin supports me, he knows when I'm dissociating and has been advised enough by my counsilor to know how to bring me round, or even to leave me to it.

So far I have been unwilling to attempt medication because I felt I need to learn to control it. I've made some massive steps.. From January till march this year I was pretty much gone perminently, some of you might remember me postig about contacting my counsilor about it again.

Thursday I had a tough session, I ended up leaving totally dissociated. Alhough it only lasted for 5 hours I still don't understand why my councilor let me leave in that way.. But I don't remember. He emailed me to ask if I could come again on Tuesday but wouldn't go into details so hats what I'm going to do
 
 

 
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Toonlass
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Oct 16th, 2010, 14:24 PM   #42
 
Hope you get some answers terrie. Must be awful to not know what's gone on.
I had a row with my mam last night as well pinky, alot of my mental issues come from being bullied by her as a child and she still treats me like shit and puts me down. Still haven't picked my pills up or made an appointment I've been too busy running after the babies, they both have chest infections. I have made a promise to myself to get sorted next week tho xx
 
 

 
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Terrie
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Oct 16th, 2010, 14:31 PM   #43
 
to you both... It's awful when parents hurt us isn't it?

Hope you get to an appt soon toon *huggles*

yeah it's confusing toon but it's been my whole life so I'm used to it!
 
 

 
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pinkymum
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Oct 16th, 2010, 14:39 PM   #44
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toonlass View Post
Hope you get some answers terrie. Must be awful to not know what's gone on.
I had a row with my mam last night as well pinky, alot of my mental issues come from being bullied by her as a child and she still treats me like shit and puts me down. Still haven't picked my pills up or made an appointment I've been too busy running after the babies, they both have chest infections. I have made a promise to myself to get sorted next week tho xx

Awww poor boys! Hope they feel better soon! Hope you feel up to it next week toon! Yeah my mum is the same, I'll be 29 in 2 weeks and she treats me like a kid. Its so hard to have a relationship with her because she's not willing to change and I've worked so hard and can't see what more I can do. I cut contact for 4 years before and I'm wondering if I'll have to do that again Can't keep putting myself through it and its not just me that I have to consider now. We'll see, just have to muddle through with her just now I guess. Not easy!

Hope your next session is helpful Terrie!

*hugs* to both of you!

x x x x
 
 
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Terrie
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Oct 16th, 2010, 14:47 PM   #45
 
Thanks pinky

and I'm sorry to hear about your dissociation too.. I've never met anybody else who has suffered with it.. Makes me feel less alone!
 
 

 
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