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Chezza
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Grandparents and childcare

Sep 16th, 2012, 13:32 PM   #1
 
Hello Ladies,

I know arranging childcare is a loooong way off, lol, but where I live, you actually have to be quite quick in arranging a child minder / nursery - as they are few and far between and places get taken quickly.

My MIL told me yesterday that she is still set up to take childcare vouchers (she is retired and hasnt looked after children for around 2 years) - and she would be available for a few months of the year. (To be completely honest, we havent had the best relationship over the years - there have been some really tough times (including the worse time very recently!) - so I have kind of taken this comment a bit personally.)

I do not expect anyone to take my little one full time (free of charge!) when I go back to work, but I kind of hoped that she might offer to take him/her one day a week (as my mum has) so I only have to pay 2 full days child care a week (going back 4 days a week).

Am I being totally selfish hoping that she wouldnt charge me to look after her own grandchild...???

Thanks in advance for reading xxx
 
 

 
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HopesDreams
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Sep 16th, 2012, 13:35 PM   #2
 
Is it possible that she's thinking its a way to help and also make a few pounds?
 
 

 
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Chezza
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Sep 16th, 2012, 13:40 PM   #3
 
Well yes, definitely - but I am finding it hard to come to terms with it - I was kind of hoping that maybe she could take LO for 1 day, my mum (who offered) to take LO for another day and then I could use childcard vouchers for the remaining 2 days that we put LO in a nursery for - if that make sense?? (I have a friend whose mum looks after their LO 4 full days a week and I would never expect anyone to do that for me!)

She does not need the cash by at all - they have both worked hard their entire lives and live very, very comfortably.
 
 

 
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LYLLJellyTots
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Sep 16th, 2012, 13:43 PM   #4
 
I would feel exactly as you do hun, surely you would want to look after your grandchild and be offering to do what you could to help mum / dad? How does your partner feel about this and what has been said? Xx

Hugs xx
 
 

 
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SunnySue
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Sep 16th, 2012, 13:47 PM   #5
 
I think if she has offered to look after her grandchild then there should be no question that it would be free of charge? Of course if she were having him for 3 or 4 days a week then something would have to be agreed but for one day a week I would absolutely expect this to be as a way of helping out. Most grandparents would pay to have the child to themselves for a day, mine certainly would!
 
 
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Mellymoomin06
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Sep 16th, 2012, 14:09 PM   #6
 
I dont think you are being selfish at all hun xx
 
 

 
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Humesy
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Sep 16th, 2012, 14:17 PM   #7
 
childcare vouchers cant be used against family. So there's your excuse for that one... I agree with you though. If shes able to look after lo for a charge she should be willing to do it for free. I understand a lot of grandparents these days arent ABLE to have lo's as they r still working themselves but if its only one day a week i would assume it wud be for free 2 xxx
 
 
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AmyQ
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Sep 16th, 2012, 17:35 PM   #8
 
Gotta love the MIL! I don't think I'd even want my MIL to look after my LO even if I was desperate! I think your OH might need to have a chat to her, it's certainly not unreasonable and means that she is involved in your LO's life.
 
 

 
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BunnyN
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Sep 16th, 2012, 18:34 PM   #9
 
First off I would be upset in your shoes too, I don't think you are being unreasonable . I don't know much about childcare vouchers or your MIL but is it possible she is eager to look after the baby and not sure how to ask especially if you have had some friction between you or she was just looking at it in a practical way that she could accept the vouchers instead of a stranger but she would have looked after the baby for free anyway?
 
 

 
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Chezza
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Sep 16th, 2012, 18:47 PM   #10
 
Thanks for all of your replies! I'm very glad the general consensus is that I am not being selfish - very relieved to hear that.

There have been a few problems in the past, but I would never deny her the company of her first grandchild...she has been waiting years for one of us to "supply one"!

BunnyN- no unfortunately she doesnt beat about the bush at all - although they live very comfortably - everything is about "Money" - she likes to make money off everything...and definitely prefers for money to be kept within the family...she would prefer that I gave her the vouchers than someone that we didnt know. What she fails to see is that it will cost me more in official childcare, if she takes the vouchers off me, one day a week!

Oh well, I guess I have a few months to sit on this and get some things sorted out...nothing is ever easy with my husbands family!!!
 
 

 
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claire23
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Sep 16th, 2012, 18:57 PM   #11
 
Your not selfish atall, my mum is so excited about being a grandparent, she would most definately look after her grandchild if i needed her too because she loves and wants to spend time with her grandchild, not for money that would be the last thing on her mind. I would feel the same as you xx
 
 

 
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Belfast girl
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Sep 16th, 2012, 20:36 PM   #12
 
my mil and fil offered to take my lo for a day a week and it works out so well. its not nesc about us saving money but so she is in a nursery environment for 3 days and a home environment for 4. everybody loves it!!
 
 

 
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Sue Clare
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Sep 16th, 2012, 20:43 PM   #13
 
I would feel exactly the same as you. It should be a pleasure to
have their grand child for the day, not a paid job!!! Xx
 
 

 
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Drummers_wife
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Sep 17th, 2012, 01:08 AM   #14
 
thats outrageous!!!! what was she thinking!! i know ppl like this exsist and my mother and i dont have the best relationship but this is wwell out of order if you ask me xx id be well upset xx
 
 

 
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BunnyN
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Sep 17th, 2012, 08:17 AM   #15
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chezza View Post
BunnyN- no unfortunately she doesnt beat about the bush at all - although they live very comfortably - everything is about "Money" - she likes to make money off everything...and definitely prefers for money to be kept within the family...she would prefer that I gave her the vouchers than someone that we didnt know. What she fails to see is that it will cost me more in official childcare, if she takes the vouchers off me, one day a week!
I thought she was maybe offering to take the vouchers and look after the baby full time without more payment, If she is wanting the vouchers for one day a week that's pretty strange. I would just tell her straight out you don't feel comfortable paying the grandparents for babysitting because it would make the relationship strange but she can let you know if she would enjoy looking after the baby sometimes. Although I might find it hard not to give a slightly larger piece of my mind. I think it's nice you are keeping a level head even though she says upsetting things, after all she is always going to be part of the family and is going to be your little ones grandma.
 
 

 
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