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Colleen1988
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Dec 12th, 2016, 10:53 AM   #16
 
How lovely for you Hun and I totally get what you mean, I wouldn't want my son to have nobody but luckily he does, I just hope I don't regret the decision not to have more later in life, but you can't go through life thinking like that can you xxx
 
 
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Rooster30
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Dec 12th, 2016, 14:49 PM   #17
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colleen1988 View Post
He hasn't requested a sibling?? I don't know what you mean by that Hun? oh eryinena I truly hope you get your wish bunny that sounds terrible, you have to listen to your body and do whatever is best for you and your family, thanks for your replies xxx
Oh sorry, my bad! I completely misread what you wrote. Argh.

Another reason why you should stick to one - having two really makes your head go to mush! So sorry!
 
 

 
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babybee
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Dec 12th, 2016, 17:23 PM   #18
 
Unless you have 2 kids - a boy and a girl, you're going to get so many opinions on your choice of family size. You only have 1 and people think you're selfish. You have 3+ and people think you've gone mad. You have 2 of the same sex people will say things like 'you sure you're not going to try for a boy/girl'?
Basically take it like water off a duck's back as people will give you their opinion regardless and they can quite frankly, sod off.
 
 

 
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Colleen1988
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Dec 12th, 2016, 22:32 PM   #19
 
No worries rooster, I was so confused for a moment thanks baby bee, your so right, a friend of mine said the exact same thing the other day actually, doesn't matter what you do someone will always have something to say about it xxx
 
 
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Pambi
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Dec 13th, 2016, 17:12 PM   #20
 
I read this yesterday and didn't have time to send a reply. You shouldn't ever feel like you have to explain why you want to have children, don't have children, have one child and not more, it makes me so mad! Whoever asks, it seems like it is loaded with judgement. Grrr!

I was at a wedding a couple of months ago and asked a couple who were married if they had a little one at home, just making a silly assumption because there were no children invited to the wedding. I felt bloody awful when they awkwardly said they didn't. I think what I'm trying to say is, some people just say stupid things and you have to try to let it go like water off a ducks back. If they are being deliberately judgemental, my advice is to just answer with non committal answers like " I don't know" or "I'm not sure" and then have an immediate question in your weaponry to fire back like do they wish they had children / more children?, they'll soon get the message.
 
 

 
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Lucyboo
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Dec 13th, 2016, 23:08 PM   #21
 
"Its long but this is the post i mentioned x


Somewhere there is a woman: 30, no children. People ask her, “Still no kids?” Her response varies from day to day, but it usually includes forced smiles and restraint.

“Nope, not yet,” she says with a chuckle, muffling her frustration.

“Well, don’t wait forever. That clock is ticking, ya know,” the sage says before departing, happy with herself for imparting such erudite wisdom. The sage leaves. The woman holds her smile. Alone, she cries…

Cries because she’s been pregnant 4 times and miscarried every one. Cries because she started trying for a baby on her wedding night, and that was 5 years ago. Cries because her husband has an ex-wife and she has given him children. Cries because she wants desperately to try in vitro but can’t even afford the deposit. Cries because she’s done in vitro (multiple rounds) and still has no children. Cries because her best friend wouldn’t be a surrogate. “It would be too weird,” she said. Cries because her medication prevents pregnancy. Cries because this issue causes friction in her marriage. Cries because the doctor said she’s fine, but deep inside she knows it’s her. Cries because her husband blames himself, and that guilt makes him a hard person to live with. Cries because all her sisters have children. Cries because one of her sisters didn’t even want children. Cries because her best friend is pregnant. Cries because she got invited to another baby shower. Cries because her mother keeps asking, “Girl, what are you waiting on?” Cries because her in-laws want to be grandparents. Cries because her neighbor has twins and treats them like shit. Cries because 16-year-olds get pregnant without trying. Cries because she’s an amazing aunt. Cries because she’s already picked out names. Cries because there’s an empty room in her house. Cries because there is an empty space in her body. Cries because she has so much to offer. Cries because he’d be a great dad. Cries because she’d be a great mother, but isn’t.

Somewhere else is another woman: 34, five children. People say to her, “Five? Good lord, I hope you’re done!” And then they laugh… because those types of comments are funny.

The woman laughs too, but not in earnest. She changes the subject, as she always does, and gives the disrespect a pass. Just another day. Alone, she cries…

Cries because she’s pregnant with another and feels like she has to hide the joy. Cries because she always wanted a big family and doesn’t see why people seem so disturbed by it. Cries because she has no siblings and felt profoundly lonely as a child. Cries because her Granny had 12 and she’d love to be just like her. Cries because she couldn’t imagine life without her children, but people treat her like they’re a punishment. Cries because she doesn’t want to be pitied. Cries because people assume this isn’t what she wanted. Cries because they assume she’s just irresponsible. Cries because they believe she has no say. Cries because she feels misunderstood. Cries because she’s tired of defending her private choices. Cries because she and her husband are perfectly capable of supporting their family but that doesn’t seem to matter. Cries because she’s tired of the “funny” comments. Cries because she minds her own business. Cries because she wishes others would mind theirs. Cries because sometimes she doubts herself and wonders if she should have stopped two kids ago. Cries because others are quick to offer criticism and slow to offer help. Cries because she’s sick of the scrutiny. Cries because she’s not a side show. Cries because people are rude. Cries because so many people seem to have opinions on her private life. Cries because all she wants to do is live in peace.

Another woman: 40, one child. People say to her, “Only one? You never wanted any more?”
“I’m happy with my one,” she says calmly, a rehearsed response she’s given more times than she can count. Quite believable. No one would ever suspect that alone, she cries…

Cries because her one pregnancy was a miracle. Cries because her son still asks for a brother or sister. Cries because she always wanted at least three. Cries because her second pregnancy had to be terminated to save her life. Cries because her doctor says it would be “high-risk.” Cries because she’s struggling to care for the one she has. Cries because sometimes one feels like two. Cries because her husband won’t even entertain the thought of another. Cries because her husband died and she hasn’t found love again. Cries because her family thinks one is enough. Cries because she’s deep into her career and can’t step away. Cries because she feels selfish. Cries because she still hasn’t lost the weight from her from her first pregnancy. Cries because her postpartum depression was so intense. Cries because she can’t imagine going through that again. Cries because she has body issues and pregnancy only exacerbates it. Cries because she still battles bulimia. Cries because she had to have a hysterectomy. Cries because she wants another baby, but can’t have it.

These women are everywhere.

They are our neighbors, our friends, our sisters, our co-workers, our cousins.

They have no use for our advice or opinions.

Their wombs are their own.

Let’s respect that."

(Credit: Nadirah Angail. Photo by Joey Thompson, Unsplash ) #9Today
 
 

 
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Colleen1988
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Dec 14th, 2016, 14:17 PM   #22
 
Thank you for your replies that last post just hit the nail on the head really didn't it.
I know some people ask out of curiosity but it is a sensitive subject for some people. I don't mind when people ask me but it's those that keep going on and on about it, saying things like "you will change your mind" "when he's older you will want more" etc etc! It's just really annoying. xxx
 
 
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BunnyN
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Dec 14th, 2016, 19:59 PM   #23
 
That post says it well.

I don't actually mind people asking questions about things like that. I know some people might find it too private but I don't mind to give honest answers. It's the assuming they know what you want and thinking they know better that gets annoying! I am due any day now. People keep saying 'you'll be so glad when it's over' and after a not very easy pregnancy I admit part of me will be glad but there are parts of pregnancy I loved too. Pregnancy and birth have been such a big part of my life for the past 4 years I know that once it's over I am going to cry about it being our last one.
 
 

 
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first_time_mum
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Dec 14th, 2016, 23:59 PM   #24
 
Your definitely not selfish for only wanting the one, after having such a traumatic birth it's obviously going to put you off wanting more and if you are happy then sod want anyone else says! Your doing what you feel is right for your family and that is all that matters. Hope you are ok aswell haven't spoke for ages xx
 
 

 
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Colleen1988
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Dec 16th, 2016, 15:48 PM   #25
 
Ahhhh hey Hun, so lovely to see you still on here! How r u? xxx
 
 
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first_time_mum
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Dec 16th, 2016, 23:06 PM   #26
 
Yeah I'm always on just don't comment a lot, yeah I'm good thank you. How's you and your little one? Grow up so quick don't they xx
 
 

 
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Colleen1988
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Dec 17th, 2016, 14:44 PM   #27
 
Yeah time has just flown... he's brill thanks, 16 month old now!! How are you LO's? Xxx
 
 
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