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Sleeping arrangements in the early days!

Sep 12th, 2014, 15:46 PM   #1
Hi All,

Does anyone here sleep or plan to sleep with their baby in a separate room to your OH?

My DH gets up at 4am to go to work and gets home about 8pm so even before I was pregnant I just thought it was enevitable that I would be sleeping in the spare room with the baby so that my OH could get his full 6 hours sleep.

When I mentioned this to my sister she laughed at me patronisingly and said "you will need all the help you can get" and whilst I am sure I will, my DH not killing himself by falling asleep at the wheel of his car on his sometimes 4 hour commute to work (depending on where he is working!) is obviously a high priority to me but perhaps I am being incredibly naive!

I would be interested to hear from anyone who has done this or plans to and the effects sleeping separately may had on your relationship etc? I have a wonderful DH who I know will be incredibly supportive of me and a wonderful father. I am only 6 weeks but all being well I would be looking to slowly start furnishing the room in a couple of months time once I have cleared out all the junk!

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Sep 12th, 2014, 15:59 PM   #2
Hi. My oh works shifts so one week he is up at half 5 and the following weeks he gets home at around 2am. I plan on a put me up bed in the nursery so I can stay with baby when I need to and not wake oh up when he is up early. I don't want baby to sleep in our room because my friends baby is still in their bed at 14 months old and I don't want to make that mistake.

You have to do what is right for your family. Yes you will need all the help that you can get but there is a reason why you get lots of time off work and that's to look after the baby went it needs you, it's mother.

Hope this helps x

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Sep 12th, 2014, 19:10 PM   #3
We didn't sleep in separate rooms, but as my husband was working and I was solely breast feeding (not expressing) I always took DD out of the bedroom with me for night feeds (twice a night) and if she wouldn't settle I slept with her on the sofa bed so that my husband wouldn't be disturbed. Always worked well for us and hubby made sure I had lie ins at the weekend and time for a long bath in the evenings, he even did all the cooking!

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Sep 14th, 2014, 21:21 PM   #4
As above I didn't have a different room but went out the room into the lounge to feed Harry so wen hubby was on early shifts he cud sleep, he had to b up at 4 also. He did however do layers the next week so he would help then n at weekends. U will find wat works for both of you n it doesn't matter wat other people say they aren't there!!

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Sep 15th, 2014, 10:06 AM   #5
me and hubby sleep in separate rooms and have done since baby was born. my hubby has to put alarm on for 2.30am to get up for work, he is the loudest man ever and will bash around opening draws switching on lights and generally make so much noise my lo would get up, he also snores for England so personally for us its fantastic having separate rooms, we all get a good nights sleep. we snuggle on sofa before bed and spend time together. just do whats right for you hun

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Sep 15th, 2014, 11:38 AM   #6
i co-slept with my baby in the early day (up to 11 weeks) purely because he wouldn't settle on his own for long periods and it was killing me with the lack of sleep. (from 11 weeks he slept in a crib in our room and from 6 months now sleeps in his own cot, in his own room).

My Hubby slept in the spare room pretty much straight away, partly because of our little boy being in our bed to start but then also because he found it difficult to sleep with all of thomas' snuffles. Now that Thomas is in his own room hubby is back in our bed!! He drives for an hour every morning and like you i wanted him to have a good nights sleep.

He helps in the evenings with him, i just do any late night/ middle of the night things

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Sep 15th, 2014, 11:45 AM   #7
baby and hubby have slept in separate rooms since she was born. I slept in with baby for the first couple of weeks, but neither of us was sleeping well, and when my mum came to stay she kicked me back into my own bed where I've been ever since (we sleep with the doors open, so I still wake up at the slightest cry, but I'm no longer being kept awake by the snuffling and snorting, and baby doesn't wake up every time I turn over in bed).

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Sep 16th, 2014, 17:53 PM   #8
baby slept with me so hubby shifted to spare room coz we needed space now the last couple of weeks I put baby in cot and hubby sleeps in the room. But when hubby starts work in the mornings he sleeps in spare room

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Sep 16th, 2014, 20:39 PM   #9
My hubby has a commute to work too... We don't have separate rooms but try to keep night time disturbance to a minimum as I worry about him driving tired. I'm EBF so he can't do any night feeds anyway...DD tends to always poop during or just after a feed so I do nappies too.
We agreed when I was first pregnant that I would do all the night time stuff and I think its sensible that you're considering what you'll do now.
In the first few days you will appreciate all the help you can get as you'll just be finding your feet but if OH has some paternity leave he'll be able to help without you worrying about him driving tired. Ignore your sis and go with your instinct, you'll make it work for your own situation. Xxx

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Sep 17th, 2014, 16:20 PM   #10
Wow thanks to all for taking the time to reply.xxx

It is very hard to have the courage of your convictions when you have no experience but obviously want to prepared as possible so I am very grateful of each of your input.

I will sort out a bed for the spare room and try my best to make it work, If my DH is exhausted he won't be much use to me in the evenings anyway so it seems to make the most sense to give him the best night sleep I can... I have got it in my head I am carrying twins so if my hunch is right I will have my work cut out for me!!! (I seldom am right though!)x

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Sep 18th, 2014, 19:36 PM   #11
My oh never helped with night feeds etc but I think it's unfair to expect it when they have to go to work all day & be on the ball. We slept in the same room with lo in a Moses but quickly realised that wouldn't work so I would always take him into the spare room to feed & change. This progressed to me moving in there with lo! And at 10 weeks he was in his cot in his own room. I was exhausted & occasional at weekends my oh would look after lo at night & id shut myself in the spare room for a good nights sleep. It stressed me out when lo woke oh up as I knew how tired he'd be the next day so it was better being in a seperate room where I could just get on with it without any moaning! At least you can sleep in a day when lo does (although I wish I'd taken advantage of this fact more) your oh can't. Good luck x
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Sep 20th, 2014, 23:22 PM   #12
It is really hard your sister is right with that but there's no need to be so harsh about it! Just get a co sleeper crib, it's a bit like a moses basket but you can align them with the bed making it easy to "teach"/get in habit of sleeping in it's own space while you have the comfort of being able to sooth them more easily. Up until the day I regret not in getting one, a moses basket never worked and I tried out a carry cot far too late those little things can all aid in helping get that sleep and surviving without other half's help. The best bit is, these are safe ways of getting some sleep together.
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Sep 23rd, 2014, 18:50 PM   #13
What you and your OH do to do what suits you best is entirely down to you. We were lucky and had a good sleeper so by the time OH went back to work, night time disruptions weren't too bad. I did them in the week and OH chipped in at weekends.

What I will say is get plenty of support around you to help with baby. 4 am until 8 pm on your own with a baby is hard going, and then to have to do all the night stuff too just sounds exhausting! Make sure you have friends and family who can come and help out so you can get some sleep in the day.

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Sep 26th, 2014, 22:12 PM   #14
Hubby slept in spare room as soon as he went back to work after his paternity leave. Like u said, I didn't want him having an accident on the motorway driving to work if he was tired. As I was on maternity leave, I did the night feeds as I could nap during the day, although I usually didn't! When LO went into her own room around 4 months he moved back in and now I'm back at work we share getting up if she wakes. It worked fine for us. Some people will judge but do what works for you.

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Sep 27th, 2014, 20:29 PM   #15
You will work out whets best for you.

Like many other people have mentioned baby's are noisy sleepers, snuffling, grunting and groaning, I am a light sleeper at the best of times and didn't get any sleep with baby in our room, by the time my hubbie was back at work I was exhausted as I was just led awake listening to baby's noises all night as well as doing the feeds and settling. Baby only woke 1-3 x during the night when he was tiny.....Hubbie on the other hand could sleep through it all unless I woke him to help (which I did as I was really struggling on no sleep)

As I was worried about SIDS I didn't want him sleeping as a tiny baby on his own so hubbie slept in the room with him and I slept in another room. I woke up to feed him whenever he woke as I could hear him stir from the next bedroom and I managed to sleep when baby was sleeping.

Hubbie would briefly awake when he woke up but was always asleep quickly.

So I guess it depends what you and your hubbie both sleep like and how you get on when you get woken up, I always take 40 mins to get back to sleep. It is important mummy gets some sleep at night too as you have an important job in the day and naps don't always revive you in the same way.

We put baby in his own room at 10 weeks (when I was a bit more relaxed about SIDS ) and then hubby and I went back to sleeping in the same room.

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arrangements, days, early, sleeping

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