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Charliemn1
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Frustrated, confused,not sure how I feel. Want it so bad

Oct 9th, 2017, 18:24 PM   #1
 
So a bit of a long winded post. Just need to get it all out. Been trying to conceive since June and losing hope. I know it's not technically that long and I probably just need to be patient but seems like forever. Every month I tell myself not to overthink it and not get my hopes up then by day 26 I'm imagining what it would be like and how I'd tell people and work out due date and when I'd be 12 weeks or 20 weeks for scans etc. Even though I know I'm setting myself up for disappointment I can't help it. Only due today and I told myself to wait until next week before testing as until I get a negative there is always a glimmer of hope. Every symptom I have I over analyse. This past month I had nausea for about a week (day 17-25). I knew it was too early for morning sickness but then read some people said they did have it that early. So confused. Not helping is that everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant without trying and this might sound mean but they are in no position to have a baby - no partner or druggie partner, no money. Had it in my head from the beginning that I was going to tell everyone at Christmas so that means I need to be pregnant now as would wanna wait until after 12 week scan. Just hoping and praying so much. Not really told anyone we're trying as I couldn't cope with people asking me every month. So not really got anyone to vent to

Sorry for the rant but need to get it out
 
 
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xMillie
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Oct 9th, 2017, 19:05 PM   #2
 
Hope this is your month, ttc is hard xx
 
 

 
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JaneyJan
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Oct 10th, 2017, 10:15 AM   #3
 
I do the same thing with dates every month. And try as I might, I start to get my hopes up at the end of every cycle no matter what I do too psychologically dampen it down! I have to just trust that it will happen at the right time for ME, and that for everyone else, well it's happening for the right time for them. But it's very hard.
 
 
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_GG_
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Oct 10th, 2017, 11:22 AM   #4
 
I did do the date thing every month but have stopped now. Three chemicals/early losses in a row and I am now far more resigned to disappointment than I am hopeful. My body is throwing symptoms at me all through this cycle so I'm just testing when I feel like it with internet cheapies and otherwise, trying to carry on with life.

The best you can do is try to manage your stress as that is the enemy of baby making. Look after yourself xxx
 
 
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KatD
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Oct 10th, 2017, 16:45 PM   #5
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charliemn1 View Post
So a bit of a long winded post. Just need to get it all out. Been trying to conceive since June and losing hope. I know it's not technically that long and I probably just need to be patient but seems like forever. Every month I tell myself not to overthink it and not get my hopes up then by day 26 I'm imagining what it would be like and how I'd tell people and work out due date and when I'd be 12 weeks or 20 weeks for scans etc. Even though I know I'm setting myself up for disappointment I can't help it. Only due today and I told myself to wait until next week before testing as until I get a negative there is always a glimmer of hope. Every symptom I have I over analyse. This past month I had nausea for about a week (day 17-25). I knew it was too early for morning sickness but then read some people said they did have it that early. So confused. Not helping is that everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant without trying and this might sound mean but they are in no position to have a baby - no partner or druggie partner, no money. Had it in my head from the beginning that I was going to tell everyone at Christmas so that means I need to be pregnant now as would wanna wait until after 12 week scan. Just hoping and praying so much. Not really told anyone we're trying as I couldn't cope with people asking me every month. So not really got anyone to vent to

Sorry for the rant but need to get it out
I completely understand! I did the exact same thing, telling DH that we'd be able to give the parents a wonderful Christmas gift this year...looking at dates for my 8 and 12 week scans...reading the "June Mommies" thread...over analyzing every twinge...cramp...bouts of nausea........and then it hits you as the temps start to follow the same old pattern....one negative test after the other....then AF....you bite your lip and you decide that you just need to be positive when all you want to do is cry. Yup. Definitely understand.

it's ok to feel this way, you know. It's ok to get angry at how unfair it is. All these tears and horrible feelings will come full circle the day you hold your little rainbow in your arms. He or she will be worth every single emotion you are going through now. And hun, it WILL happen. It's just a matter of when...not a question of 'if'.
 
 

 
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Stayse3
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Oct 11th, 2017, 12:12 PM   #6
 
I know the feeling. Feels like some get pregnant without trying or even wanting kids and then here we are trying and not getting anywhere
 
 
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Alexis2017
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Oct 11th, 2017, 20:31 PM   #7
 
Yeah totally understand. We have been trying since Jan 2017 and Ive watched 2 colleages in work get pregnant and I am now only girl in my work with no kids. The chat at break is baby chat every day which os when my hardest part of the day is. I can't stand it. We decided to reach out and get help. We have our 1st assisted conception appointment this month. Really makes me sad even saying that as I had thought I would have been pregnant ages ago. TTC is tough...it's isolating and heart breaking. Emotionally I have never been on such a rollercoaster and it goes on and on. It's something not many women experience and also it's not something you can speak to anyone about or discuss it on your tea break. I have never felt so alone and low on the bad days. I started reading some positive mind books and some fertility ones. I have been scared of infertility since I was old enough to know that I would wamt to be a mum one day.

This forum is such an amazing place. Most people have some understanding of this and have been through it and some have came out the other side with a baby! Imagine ! I don't think I could get throigh some days without this place. Thanks everyone!
 
 

 
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Charliemn1
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Oct 11th, 2017, 20:48 PM   #8
 
Alexis that is exactly how I feel. Can I ask how long you tried for before seeking help? I've got an appointment with Dr on 26th but worried they'll just tell me to be patient and keep trying. I've always worried that I would struggle, I don't know why, just a feeling, probably because I've always wanted to be a mum since I was a little girl. Sister has a fibroid in her womb and now I'm worrying I might have something wrong with me. Silly really
 
 
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Hoping for no2
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Oct 12th, 2017, 12:58 PM   #9
 
You normally have to be trying for a year before getting any tests done on the NHS. I know it's easier said than done but try not to get too stressed out and panicked about it - I was obsessed with my 2nd, took around 19 months to fall pregnant and it wasn't a very nice time tbh. This time fell pregnant very quickly but I just had a different attitude to things and we DTD every day for 2 weeks which I think made the difference rather than trying to time around ovulation. I wouldn't assume there are problems if you haven't conceived in a few months, it's very normal to take up to a year to fall pregnant and even longer, even if both of you are healthy. The chance of falling pregnant each month is actually really small. I completely understand the worry and angst as have been through it. Really hope you get your BFPs soon.
 
 

 
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Alexis2017
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Oct 12th, 2017, 18:28 PM   #10
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charliemn1 View Post
Alexis that is exactly how I feel. Can I ask how long you tried for before seeking help? I've got an appointment with Dr on 26th but worried they'll just tell me to be patient and keep trying. I've always worried that I would struggle, I don't know why, just a feeling, probably because I've always wanted to be a mum since I was a little girl. Sister has a fibroid in her womb and now I'm worrying I might have something wrong with me. Silly really

I lied amd said beem trying 1 year but its been 10...2 months of a diff..big deal! If you are worried like I am...i have made myself ill worrying. I need to get some peace of mind or answers. I guess do what you feel right
 
 

 
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Charliemn1
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Oct 12th, 2017, 19:12 PM   #11
 
I fully expect them to just say keep trying and do nothing but even that may put my mind at rest. Maybe they'll have advice or something, I don't know. The way I see it either I can tell them my concerns about irregular periods or (fingers crossed) I'll have bfp by then and can get advice for pregnancy. Holding off testing as pretty sure it'll be negative and I'm not sure I can do that to myself yet, just keep saying for af
 
 
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LuckyLaura
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Oct 12th, 2017, 20:47 PM   #12
 
You should join in our vent thread in the Trying to Conceive section hahah daily rants xx
 
 

 
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Alexis2017
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Oct 12th, 2017, 21:03 PM   #13
 
Oh yeah it's a good rant thread. I will be joining the fertility issues thread in January if still no BFP...marking our 1 year anniversay ttc.
 
 

 
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LuckyLaura
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Oct 13th, 2017, 07:08 AM   #14
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexis2017 View Post
Oh yeah it's a good rant thread. I will be joining the fertility issues thread in January if still no BFP...marking our 1 year anniversay ttc.
You are gonna have a nice Christmas present I'm sure of it hehe xx

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
 
 

 
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Charliemn1
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Oct 14th, 2017, 17:08 PM   #15
 
So just an update. Now 5 days late but period was 10 days late last month so not feeling hopeful. At 5 days late last month I took a test so holding out longer this time. Every day I think period is coming. Get pains or headache or something that I think means it's coming but so far nothing. I really don't think I'm pregnant so I kinda want period to come so I can try again. Mum's birthday and really wanted to give her the best present but would have had to conceive in July as don't want to jinx things by telling people before 12 weeks. Just another milestone to remind me that I've failed so far.
 
 
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